Friday, August 15, 2008

What would have been?

Yesterday, Braxton would have been 6 months old. It was another heartbreaking day in my life. My husband may have struggled more than me this time. I recently saw pictures of an old friend's son who is the same age. I cried...I can't even fathom that Braxton would be that big. I wonder if he grows in Heaven? Or will he always be a baby? Once again, I wonder what milestones he would be making...I won't even look, I don't want to know. It seems like everyone I am close to has children or is in the process. It hurts so much. I am happy for them all, but so jealous as well. I hope this is just a feeling that will go away with time. It breaks my heart to see what I am missing out on. Maybe someday.......

The "Saturday" didn't give us good news. The treatments were not successful.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

9 comments:

Pinkalicious said...

I just found your blog while reading other blogs. I just want you to know that a fellow teacher from Wisconsin is thinking about and praying for you. I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Good luck with the start of your new job. I will pray for your strength as you go back to work. I will pray for your sweet Braxton. And most of all I will pray that you will be blessed by another sweet baby. If I have any baby dust I will send it your way.

It stinks that life is not fair! I hope it is somewhat comforting that there is someone out there that is thinking of you today.

God bless,
Sara

Anna said...

I, too, found your blog through another blog and just wanted you to know that I read your story, I saw your precious Braxton, and was touched by his story. I'm so sorry - I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I pray that your new job goes well, I pray that you find comfort in knowing that others care, I pray that God will help give you a peace beyond understanding so that you can find a new "normal" in your life, and I pray that He will bless you with another baby.
Blessings,
Anna

Katie said...

i've had that same quote on my mind lately. And those same thoughts. Take Care

Sunny said...

Hey,
I was wondering how yesterday went. I didn't want to bother you with a phone call. I can't believe 6 months have flown by, and yet at times it seemed to creep also. If you want to talk you know where to find me.

kc mom said...

Hi, I found your blog on Audrey's. I am so so so sorry for your loss. There are NO words. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Your little boy, Braxton is beautiful!
Eileen
PS-Keeping my fingers crossed (and prayers going) that Braxton will be a big brother soon!

The Cantlons said...

I am sorry to hear that the treatments were unsuccessful. You and Jesse continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that the next 6 months are much easier than the first 6 have been. I pray that your new job goes well. I know you will do great. You are an amazing teacher, Destiny, and those kids are going to be lucky to have you. I hope that the new job is the beginning of your healing process. . . your new "normal".

Mari Fontana said...

I am so sorry. I, too, found your blog from Audrey's. Please know that your are in my thoughts and prayers.

Amy said...

1st time on your blog....I am so sorry about your sweet little guy. I'm just here sobbing for you now. His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. I'll pray for you and check back.

Cindi said...

I found your blog through another, as others have posted here. I am a Kindergarten teacher and am thrilled you received news of a new teaching assignment! I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, but please know another teacher is praying for you!

 
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