Sunday, January 30, 2011

Our Twin Pregnancy: The First 4 Months

**  There will be times throughout my blogging that I will be brutally honest about the way I have felt/feel.  Yes, I have experienced loss..Yes, this was a very much planned pregnancy...yes, I have experienced infertility..  Therefore, I know how it feels to be on each "side" of the story.  I still have true feelings that I would prefer not to sugarcoat in anyway. 

~October 18, 2010~

After 6 weeks of preparing for our frozen embryo transfer (FET), the day is finally here.  We were pro's at keeping the cycle from everyone, including our parents.  I told my mom that I had been asked to come back to my old job to help with testing for the day.  She arrived at 6:45 to take Cayden home with her.  Jesse drove down the rode to hide, so she wouldn't ask why he was home on a work day....the plan went over very smoothly!! 

We were nervous the entire trip to the hospital....not knowing whether  the embryos would thaw and be of good quality.  I was prepped, and the embryologist came in with the much awaited news.  Our three remaining embryos had thawed very nicely.  Two looked GREAT and one was lagging behind after the thaw.  I was quickly whisked back to the "operating" room.  The transfer was very painful this time.  My uterus was tipped backwards, so the Dr had to maneuver it with his hands...OUCH! 

I had to lay flat for one hour after the procedure to ensure that everything settled into place.  One hour is a really long time after you have drank 64 ounces of yes, the bedpan was my friend 10 minutes prior to my hour being up. 

We left feeling confident that we may get twins out of the procedure (the embryologist ensured us several times that two of them were EXCELLENT, and her bet was on twins!) 

~October 23, 2010~ 

After peeing on home pregnancy tests (HPT's) for the past 3 days, I was anxiously waiting for today to arrive.  We found out 5dpt that we were pregnant with Cayden, so I was certain if we were pregnant again, we should know today.  I waited until the evening to pee on yet another stick.  Jesse was opposed to me doing so, he wanted me to wait a few more days.  I peed and within seconds, two, very noticeable pink lines appeared....WE ARE PREGNANT!  

~October 27, 2010~ 

Blood test comes back positive!  HCG 345

~October 29, 2010~

HCG 690  (Could it be twins??)

~November 10, 2010~

Our 6 week ultrasound (US) is scheduled for today.  Prior to the US, I asked the nurse how many babies she was predicting to find.  She immediately said her guess was two.  Jesse and I were both pretty confident that we would see two too.  Our Dr said he didn't like making guesses, but if he had to, he was guessing two as well.  She started the US and immediately I saw one sac with a tiny little bean.  She kept moving the probe around and within seconds we saw another sac with another bean!  I was shocked, in awe, and speechless.  It really didn't hit me like I thought it would.  I think a part of me was scared as well.  I had always hoped for twins, but at that moment, it hit me kind of funny.  She continued to "look around," and I was really focusing on trying to find heartbeats.  Low and behold we found two very strong heartbeats...Praise God!!!

~November 17~

I don't know if it has completely hit me that we are having twins. Two babies!!  I am still in a fog. 

~November 24~

8 week US scan....still showing two healthy babies!!   I had to start taking a few Zofran to help with slight nausea. 

~December 8~

First appointment with our regular OB was today.  I have been a little nervous, because I haven't felt all that bad for being pregnant with twins.  I was certain that the nausea and vomiting would be twice as bad as it was with Cayden.  If I remember to take a Zofran in the morning, I am usually ok the rest of the day.  I have had a few bouts of nausea in the evenings after supper.  I catch myself saying that I am tired and that I don't feel good several times a day, but it is nothing compared to my pregnancy with Cayden.  I have been really tired, much more than usual. 

Appointment went well.  Dr was not going to do an US until 18 weeks, but after doing my examination, he changed his mind.  We will have an US at 14 weeks to check cervical length and anatomy of the babies. 

~December 17~

Major breakdown today.  I am scared.  I miss Braxton.  I fear that the twins will take away from the mother/son relationship that Cayden and I have.  I am overwhelmed with the thought of twins.  Will I love them as much as I love Cayden?  Do I really want twins?  I am so tired emotionally and physically.  I feel terrible for feeling this way...I know so many woman longing just to get pregnant...I have been there...why do I feel like this?  I feel alone, because I don't want anyone to know how crazy I feel right now.  I am suppose to be happy, joyful, ecstatic; yet, I am fearful, sad, and lonely.  Several anxiety attacks today :(

~December 21~

Still down in the dumps.  I should be excited about Christmas this year, however I am finding it very hard to even get in the spirit.  I am tired.  We put up very few decorations, only went shopping once...I just don't feel it this year.  The nausea is still here, but not anything to terrible.  If I get rid of morning stomach bile, then I feel much better the rest of the day.  Other than being extremely emotional and tired, I wonder if I am even still pregnant?  I am so glad that after 12 longs weeks, I know longer have to have a daily shot in the rump!  My poor butt was a human pin cushion!!

~January 3~

The holidays are over, Jesse went back to work, now it is time for me to relax.  Cayden and I are planning on staying home all week!  The hustle and bustle of the holidays really wore me out.  Nausea is a little better, but now I have developed severe headaches.  I am still really emotional as well.  Pregnancy sure does a number on me! 

~January 6~

Really, really, really bad day.  I spent the majority of the day in tears.  I have been having bad dreams about Braxton's birth, and they have literally left me weepy all day.  I have a terrible headace, beginning to wonder if they aren't migraines....they are completely different than headaches I have experienced in the past.  I keep finding myself wondering if our timing was right for this pregnancy...I don't feel as connected to this pregnancy...Is there something wrong with me??  Praying for a better day tomorrow.

~January 7~

We had our 14 week US and appointment today. I have felt like a completely different person today than I did yesterday.  These pregnancy hormones have me on an emotional rollercoaster!!!  I am good today.  Excited about the babies.  The scan showed two healthy babies with fingers and toes already.  Jesse and I were in shock at how developed they already are.  They were interacting with each other already!  Dr confirmed that the headaches and extreme emotions were all pregnancy related. 

~January 20~

The flu has struck our home!  Just when I thought morning sickness has disappeared, I was struck with the flu!!  I have also been very miserable lately.  I feel really large, but I'm really not.  I feel bloated and achey.  This will all soon pass, and the babies will be worth it!  Can't believe four months of pregnancy have come and gone.  Being pregnant with a child at home sure makes it go faster!!!!

~4 month recap~

Pregnancy symptoms :  TIRED, nauseous, EMOTIONAL, growing "ladies"!!

Cravings:  Greasy cheeseburgers, cheetos, Mt Dew, Pizza King Breadsticks

Weight Gain: As of 14 weeks, only 1 lb. (Pretty sure that has sinced changed!!)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Wow, has it really been over a month since my lost post.  I have been horrible about blogging, taking pictures, keeping in contact with others, etc..Please forgive me!  I will make this a hodge-podge post..updating you on just about everything! 


Mr. Cayden is 15.5 months old!  He is toddling around everywhere, and I think he enjoys making messes out of everything.  He sure keeps us on our toes.  He doesn't talk with real words...just A LOT of jibber jabber, however he sure is a smart boy.  He can show you his hair, eyes, toes (his favorite!), belly, nose, tongue, teeth, and occasionally his ears.  He loves showing us "choo, choo" with his arm.  He can  sign more, please, eat, thank-you, milk, and sorry.  He will say bye-bye, bath, dada, mama, and yes.  He absolutely loves bath time..he is a natural fish.  We started parent/child swim classes again, and he loves it!!  He has been working on kicking, scooping, blowing bubbles, jumping off the edge, and going under!  We have transitioned into taking "big boy" naps.  I know when the twins arrive, I won't be able to hold him while he falls asleep.  He transitioned very well.  Somedays, I think he lays and talks to himself more than he naps, but he seems to enjoy the time alone.  My boy is growing up so fast, and I don't even know where the time went. 

~The Twins~

For those that may have missed the Thanksgiving blog post a few months back, we are expecting TWINS in June.  We have had 3 US's, and they are both growing and looking great.  We were hoping for a sneak peek at genders a week ago, but the technician said she couldn't give us a 100%  look, so she didn't even peek :(  We are nearly 16 weeks along all ready..once again..where does time go?  We have our next appointment on Febuary 7th.  We don't have an official US scheduled, but our Dr stated that he will probably pull his machine in to get a good look at heartbeats.  I will definetly be asking him to take a good look at genders.  To be honest, if we were only having one baby, I wouldn't be finding out the gender, but I am thinking with two babies and a 20 month old...we better be prepared! 
I have had all the normal pregnancy symptoms..nausea, tiredness, headaches..etc.  The headaches have been the worst.  I have about 4/day. I felt the first for sure movement today!! I am excited to see how different twin movement is compared to a singleton.   I will do my best to update as we progress further into the pregnancy. 

These are the twins at 5 days after conception...isn't it amazing!!!

~ Grief Journey~

Yes, I still grieve over losing Braxton.  The time between "episodes" is further and further between, but I still have my days.  January leading up to his birthday are the hardest for me.   I had some really terrible dreams a few weeks ago that literally left me crying all day long.  I dreamt that I was in the operating room watching his birth.  I wanted so badly to help him, but something was holding me back and making me watch the awful scene.  It left me wondering if there was really that much panic in the operating room that day....I guess I will never know :(   I miss my little guy more than ever. 

On a brighter note, we try and do something special every year on his birthday.  God really laid it on my heart about a year ago, to do something special for the hospital and other families that experience infant loss.  I was stubborn in answering God's call...sometimes bitterness gets the best of me.  However, when God wants something done, he doesn't give up!  I am very excited to say that we are making "Memory Boxes" for other families.  We are excited about the boxes and the opportunity to give back in Braxton's name.  My plan is to donate the boxes on Braxton's birthday ( I know it will be hard wakling through the labor and delivery doors on that day, but I also know that God's peace will surround us!) 


We had a pretty good holiday season.  I am not a fan of constantly being on the go, and being pregnant made it worse.  I was exhausted for a week after all the festivities.  Cayden enjoyed Christmas.  He would open one gift play with it for awhile and then move on to the next.  We have enough toys to keep a daycare occupied! 

We were in bed by 10:30 on New Year's Eve...I know, I know..BORING!  We are excited to see what the New Year has in store for us!

~Prayer Requests~

I know a lot of couples who are currently undergoing fertility treatments.  It is my hope that this is the year for babies!!  Please pray for those that are waiting for God's perfect timing. 

I think that just about covers everything.  Short, sweet, and to the point!  I have so much on my mind about life, but I just can't find the right words to blog about it now.
Our first picture as a family of 6!!  (Zoom in...look close...Braxton's footprints are on my bracelet.)
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