One year ago today, I remember laying on the ultrasound table waiting to find out the gender of our baby. It was the reflection on the poster in front of me, of my Dr coming thru the door that completely turned my life around (again). I knew immediately that "something" was not right. "I am really sorry, but the technician has seen some things that she isn't sure about on the ultrasound." Jesse and I waited while the Dr and the tech discussed in whispers what they were seeing.
I dry heeved, sobbed, and pleaded with God that this child live. My Dr turned to us with the very same plead in his eyes. Dr's aren't supposed to show emotion or get attached to patients, but I could see the "why are you making me go through this with these two again" look in his eyes. He kindly explained that the baby's heart looked abnormal, it appeared that the left valve was missing. The back of the baby's head was also much larger than normal. He told us that he would have his nurse call a specialist in Indy, and that we would be seen in the next few weeks. My loving husband told the Dr that I would not make it "weeks", I needed to be seen that week. I didn't want to get dressed, I wanted to sit and stare at our precious baby BOY, as he kicked and squirmed in my belly.
Just as soon as I got home, I got a phone call from the nurse confirming an appt for later in the week with the specialist. We went to the specialist that Friday. We were both so scared. We knew that we could not go through the pain of losing another child. I don't think I could have prayed anymore that week. Every 5 minutes, I was praying for Cayden. The specialist confirmed that there was a larger than normal nuchal fold, but that the heart looked ok to him. However, Cayden had developed fluid around his heart and lungs. The prognosis did not look promising at that point. We met with a genetic counselor that discussed chromosomal abnormalities. We left that day feeling empty.
The next seven weeks proved to be very stressful. I spent most of my days praying and stressing. I talked endlessly to baby Cayden. We read books and loved on my belly. We had ultrasounds every 2 weeks. It appeared that nothing was changing, but it wasn't getting worse either. Jesse and I vacationed to Nashville to try and get our minds on something else, but it was the haunting reality that we might not get to "meet" Cayden, that consumed me.
It was at our appt on June 25 that we saw a MIRACLE. The fluid was gone, his heart was beating perfectly, and the nuchal fold had shrunk. God healed our baby. For those of you still waiting on a MIRACLE today, I have seen the healing hands of God, I know He is still working miracles. Don't give up, keep praying, and spend time basking in His peace!
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." Psalms 139:14