Thursday, August 27, 2009

38 days and counting....

I can't even begin to describe the love I have for this child I am carrying. He makes me happy every day. I just love that I can feel every flip, kick, and turn. I wish I could share with his daddy and his grandparents all the wonderful moves he makes, but he has a way of getting "still" when someone else is watching!!! Makes me feel special that he allows me to enjoy every moment and movement. His hiccups make me giddy. His turns make me dizzy. His kicks make me proud. He just makes me happy.

The anxieties of the delivery day are beginning to mount. I feel secure with him "inside." I know that he is safe right now. I am scared to even go to the hospital. I am putting off my "to-do" list until we get within 2 weeks of delivery. I am hesistant about preparing anything. For some this fear seems odd, but I can't fathom preparing again and being let down. I am struggling with putting full trust in God right now. I am constantly reminded of how I prepared last time and then had to tear it all back apart. I know this is satan trying to defeat me, and I will not be defeated. Jesse is battling anxieties himself as well, so to say the least our home is a bit on edge these days.

We will make it. God will see us through. God will not leave us. He is one step ahead.

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Wordless Wednesday....

Cayden Matthew 30 wks (yes, that is a leg in front of face!)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

29 weeks

i find it rather amusing that this shirt makes me appear much smaller than i feel or look in other shirts!!! for instance, check out my last post with the black dress...the belly appears much larger. however, i did just take this picture 5 minutes ago, so i assure you that i am 29w 1d in this pic!

cayden got the hiccups for the first time on monday reminded me so much of braxton. he got them again on tuesday night at the same exact time (10:15 pm) we also picked up his heartbeat with a baby stethoscope on monday night as well. it was pure bliss....after i counted the beats to make sure they were correct....the stethoscope sounds so much different than the dr's doppler.

most importantly, i wanted to post to inform you all that we have a scheduled c-section! cayden matthew will be here on oct 5 @ 9am!!!! we are so excited and nervous, which brings me to my prayer request.

could you please pray for jesse and i's sanity during these next few months. we are both worried sick about the delivery. we are constantly being mentally reminded of the terrible experience we encountered last time and the devastating outcome. jesse has worried himself sick the last few days. we know that God has a great plan and we are trying so hard to trust in it. but, after all that has happened sometimes it is so difficult to put trust in the same circumstance again.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." [Philippians 4:6, 7]

Destiny, Jesse and Cayden

Saturday, August 1, 2009


Jesse and I celebrated five wonderful years together last night. Jesse had decided months ago that we were going to go to a semi-formal dinner. There are so many little funny things that happened while we were planning for our night out.

1. While in Jamaica 2.5 yrs ago, Jesse and I purchased a past, present, future ring that was so expensive it was my early 5 year anniversary present...yes 2.5 years early! Well, after wearing it for a day on the beach, I decided to return it. FYI...returning expensive merchandise in Jamaica is a sin! The guy was very rude and basically said he was charging me at $450 restocking fee. This is when over-the edge Destiny (I was taking hormone pills for fertility) told the dude off. He kinda just gave in at that point.

So, I was thinking that I would be getting this ring again, seeing how the 5 years is actually here. I received two phone calls from our bank person stating that "he was returning my call." However, I hadn't called, so it really made me wonder. I checked all bank statements thoroughly, but never any sign of change. As the day drew nearer, I was beginning to wonder if just maybe I wasn't getting my ring. Jesse had stated two weeks ago that I was allowed to buy a card, but we weren't getting gifts, b/c he wanted to save up for his time off when Cayden arrives.

A month or so ago, we were somehow talking about Jamaica and he said "do you remember when we bought that big was that thing?"

A few days ago, Jesse and I were talking about credit cards (I have an ER one). I giggled and said "well you have one too, but I have it"...and then I showed him that indeed his was in my wallet (not yet activated after 3 years!) I returned it to my wallet and never thought anything of it. I had his unemployment visa laying in my car on Wednesday, so I decided before I lost it that I had better put the card in my wallet. Ironically, I didn't even look in the pocket where his credit card is too, I just drop the visa in and walked away.

Yesterday came and when he arrived home he brought me in a card and slowly turned to go back outside. I read the card and then came into the computer room to do some more surfing (it is all I ever do!) Seconds later he approach me again with a grin and said "oh yeah I got this too." I knew when I saw the box that my ring was inside. The question was how did he pull this see he chooses to have nothing to do with the money (I guess just in case we go under he can blame me) so the story for the ring search goes as follows.

In April he went to the mall to look at rings. He put one in lay-away. He then called my brother to see if his friend could get a better deal. Long story short, she suggested just having one made, but Jesse didn't want to have to deal with that, so he just left the ring in lay-away.

During the end of June he returned to the store to pay a down payment. He got money from his old bank account he still had from high school. And luckily the statement for that bank came the day I asked him to get the mail!!! He finally gave me the statement yesterday (sligh guy).

Well, the ring he put in lay-away wasn't really the ring he looked at first, so he decided to get a bigger ring and put it in lay-away instead!!! He was now panicking trying to figure out how he was going to pay for this ring w/o me finding out. He decided that he was going to ask his brother for a 3 week loan. However, on the day he made that decision, ironically I showed him his credit card. He skeemed and this is what he did........

I had just gone to the grocery and hadn't yet unloaded his pop from the back of my jeep. Therefore the next morning, he had to open the jeep door to get pop out, and while he did this he also STOLE a credit card from my wallet and shut the jeep back up. Well, of course I questioned why he had to open the jeep up prior to going to work....and without a smirk he said "honey, I just needed to get me a few pops out for work!"

He always comes home right after work unless he has something to do, so saying that he was going to the mall would have flown a red flag...and he is smarter than that! He needed to go get fly spray for the horses, and a spare tire for the trailer. I called him on Wednesday to also tell him that we needed horse wormer.....and that boy was in the mall (of course he told me he was at Rural King.) So, he purchased the ring and made a mad dash home.... of course he had the horse supplies in hand, so I thought nothing.

I check the bank account everyday online, but ironically I never looked at it Thursday or Friday, so I never noticed the large amount that suddenly appeared on the credit card.

He pulled it off!!! After giving me the ring...he gave me the credit card with a grin!!! (I might add that he had to know the last four digits of my social in order to activate his own card....and he struggled with that, but somehow he remembered.)

2. Jesse sent me to town to purchase him some nice dress slacks to go with his black shirt and tie. I told him numerous times that he should probably just go so I would get the right size. To that he says "I have been in the same size for two years 30 x 32" So, I got just what he asked for. I told him I thought they looked small, but he thought they looked big!!! I wish I had a picture to show all of you...they were so small he actually had a muffin top!!! And if you know Jesse, this is absurd. He is a skinny little thing...or was. I laughed for days, and of course he was devastated. He needed a 32 x 30....gee wouldn't it be nice if that would fit me!

3. If you know me, you know I really don't like dressing up. So, I was going to wear a black gaucho skirt and a maternity top...not really as fancy as his outfit. Two days ago, I talked myself into going to the mall to find a maternity dress....I only wear dresses to weddings I am in! I gave myself a 5 minute time limit, b/c I was meeting Jesse in another store to get his pants!! I wanted this to be a surprise, so I had to HURRY! I now know that this is the way to shop when you really don't care for something.

I bought a black, low cut, flowy dress and left the store. After Jesse gave me the ring yesterday, I mentioned that I had also bought him a gift that was non-returnable (motherhood maternity has some weird policies!) He was a bit nervous and later told me all the things that ran through his mind. He really thought I went out and bought either a new race car, a new boat, or a new trailer!!!! He is insane! I was standing in the dress has he stepped out of the shower and I said "this is non-returnable." You should have seen the sign of relief come over his face. He thought for sure with his purchase and mine that we were going to be in debt for a LONG TIME!

After the craziness to purchase a ring, pants, and a dress, we had a terrific evening. It was just our style too. Jesse didn't wait until dinner and give me the ring with roses or anything...he just handed it to me...not really your romantic type...but I wouldn't have him any other way. We both looked really nice and we took lots of pictures. We went to dinner and came home to spend the evening together...nothing fancy but again..just our style. My mother-in-law got us an ice cream cake, so of course I ate that for desert!

Now here is a few pics of us and of course the BL..ZING!!!!

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