Sunday, January 30, 2011

Our Twin Pregnancy: The First 4 Months

**  There will be times throughout my blogging that I will be brutally honest about the way I have felt/feel.  Yes, I have experienced loss..Yes, this was a very much planned pregnancy...yes, I have experienced infertility..  Therefore, I know how it feels to be on each "side" of the story.  I still have true feelings that I would prefer not to sugarcoat in anyway. 

~October 18, 2010~

After 6 weeks of preparing for our frozen embryo transfer (FET), the day is finally here.  We were pro's at keeping the cycle from everyone, including our parents.  I told my mom that I had been asked to come back to my old job to help with testing for the day.  She arrived at 6:45 to take Cayden home with her.  Jesse drove down the rode to hide, so she wouldn't ask why he was home on a work day....the plan went over very smoothly!! 

We were nervous the entire trip to the hospital....not knowing whether  the embryos would thaw and be of good quality.  I was prepped, and the embryologist came in with the much awaited news.  Our three remaining embryos had thawed very nicely.  Two looked GREAT and one was lagging behind after the thaw.  I was quickly whisked back to the "operating" room.  The transfer was very painful this time.  My uterus was tipped backwards, so the Dr had to maneuver it with his hands...OUCH! 

I had to lay flat for one hour after the procedure to ensure that everything settled into place.  One hour is a really long time after you have drank 64 ounces of yes, the bedpan was my friend 10 minutes prior to my hour being up. 

We left feeling confident that we may get twins out of the procedure (the embryologist ensured us several times that two of them were EXCELLENT, and her bet was on twins!) 

~October 23, 2010~ 

After peeing on home pregnancy tests (HPT's) for the past 3 days, I was anxiously waiting for today to arrive.  We found out 5dpt that we were pregnant with Cayden, so I was certain if we were pregnant again, we should know today.  I waited until the evening to pee on yet another stick.  Jesse was opposed to me doing so, he wanted me to wait a few more days.  I peed and within seconds, two, very noticeable pink lines appeared....WE ARE PREGNANT!  

~October 27, 2010~ 

Blood test comes back positive!  HCG 345

~October 29, 2010~

HCG 690  (Could it be twins??)

~November 10, 2010~

Our 6 week ultrasound (US) is scheduled for today.  Prior to the US, I asked the nurse how many babies she was predicting to find.  She immediately said her guess was two.  Jesse and I were both pretty confident that we would see two too.  Our Dr said he didn't like making guesses, but if he had to, he was guessing two as well.  She started the US and immediately I saw one sac with a tiny little bean.  She kept moving the probe around and within seconds we saw another sac with another bean!  I was shocked, in awe, and speechless.  It really didn't hit me like I thought it would.  I think a part of me was scared as well.  I had always hoped for twins, but at that moment, it hit me kind of funny.  She continued to "look around," and I was really focusing on trying to find heartbeats.  Low and behold we found two very strong heartbeats...Praise God!!!

~November 17~

I don't know if it has completely hit me that we are having twins. Two babies!!  I am still in a fog. 

~November 24~

8 week US scan....still showing two healthy babies!!   I had to start taking a few Zofran to help with slight nausea. 

~December 8~

First appointment with our regular OB was today.  I have been a little nervous, because I haven't felt all that bad for being pregnant with twins.  I was certain that the nausea and vomiting would be twice as bad as it was with Cayden.  If I remember to take a Zofran in the morning, I am usually ok the rest of the day.  I have had a few bouts of nausea in the evenings after supper.  I catch myself saying that I am tired and that I don't feel good several times a day, but it is nothing compared to my pregnancy with Cayden.  I have been really tired, much more than usual. 

Appointment went well.  Dr was not going to do an US until 18 weeks, but after doing my examination, he changed his mind.  We will have an US at 14 weeks to check cervical length and anatomy of the babies. 

~December 17~

Major breakdown today.  I am scared.  I miss Braxton.  I fear that the twins will take away from the mother/son relationship that Cayden and I have.  I am overwhelmed with the thought of twins.  Will I love them as much as I love Cayden?  Do I really want twins?  I am so tired emotionally and physically.  I feel terrible for feeling this way...I know so many woman longing just to get pregnant...I have been there...why do I feel like this?  I feel alone, because I don't want anyone to know how crazy I feel right now.  I am suppose to be happy, joyful, ecstatic; yet, I am fearful, sad, and lonely.  Several anxiety attacks today :(

~December 21~

Still down in the dumps.  I should be excited about Christmas this year, however I am finding it very hard to even get in the spirit.  I am tired.  We put up very few decorations, only went shopping once...I just don't feel it this year.  The nausea is still here, but not anything to terrible.  If I get rid of morning stomach bile, then I feel much better the rest of the day.  Other than being extremely emotional and tired, I wonder if I am even still pregnant?  I am so glad that after 12 longs weeks, I know longer have to have a daily shot in the rump!  My poor butt was a human pin cushion!!

~January 3~

The holidays are over, Jesse went back to work, now it is time for me to relax.  Cayden and I are planning on staying home all week!  The hustle and bustle of the holidays really wore me out.  Nausea is a little better, but now I have developed severe headaches.  I am still really emotional as well.  Pregnancy sure does a number on me! 

~January 6~

Really, really, really bad day.  I spent the majority of the day in tears.  I have been having bad dreams about Braxton's birth, and they have literally left me weepy all day.  I have a terrible headace, beginning to wonder if they aren't migraines....they are completely different than headaches I have experienced in the past.  I keep finding myself wondering if our timing was right for this pregnancy...I don't feel as connected to this pregnancy...Is there something wrong with me??  Praying for a better day tomorrow.

~January 7~

We had our 14 week US and appointment today. I have felt like a completely different person today than I did yesterday.  These pregnancy hormones have me on an emotional rollercoaster!!!  I am good today.  Excited about the babies.  The scan showed two healthy babies with fingers and toes already.  Jesse and I were in shock at how developed they already are.  They were interacting with each other already!  Dr confirmed that the headaches and extreme emotions were all pregnancy related. 

~January 20~

The flu has struck our home!  Just when I thought morning sickness has disappeared, I was struck with the flu!!  I have also been very miserable lately.  I feel really large, but I'm really not.  I feel bloated and achey.  This will all soon pass, and the babies will be worth it!  Can't believe four months of pregnancy have come and gone.  Being pregnant with a child at home sure makes it go faster!!!!

~4 month recap~

Pregnancy symptoms :  TIRED, nauseous, EMOTIONAL, growing "ladies"!!

Cravings:  Greasy cheeseburgers, cheetos, Mt Dew, Pizza King Breadsticks

Weight Gain: As of 14 weeks, only 1 lb. (Pretty sure that has sinced changed!!)


Hillary said...

Hi Destiny, I'm so glad to hear that everything is going so good with the babies right now! What an amazing gift from God to have 2 coming! I'm not sure if you remember me, but a couple of months ago I emailed you for some advise and I just wanted to say thanks again for all your help! I decided to start my own blog to help talk through some of my feelings about the loss of my daughter and its really helped! I hope that everything continues great for all 3 of yall!

Brandi said...

Hello Destiny,
I don't know how I came across your blog but I did. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. I think it takes a strong person and Gods power and guidance to go through your physical and mental emotion. Stay strong and God will guide you through.

Brandi Redmond
Dallas, TX

Galloway Mom said...

Good Morning. I just read your post from December 17th. You wrote you about your concern regarding your love for Cayden and how having twins will affect the bond you share with him. I know it sounds crazy right now that you could possibly have enough love to go around, but trust me you will. At the risk of sounding like a bad mother, I do love my children the same, but there are different things in each of them I enjoy. I remember bringing Addy home from the hospital and saying out loud, that if I had not breast fed her, she would not have ever been held. I was so overwhelmed with the other two that I didn't know if I was coming or going. Looking back now, I think I may have had a mild case of postpartum depression. (Some folks don't believe in that, but I sure do.)

Have faith in yourself. You have an abundant amount of love in you and you are capable of so much. You are so worthy of these babies and they are so lucky to have you as their momma, Jesse as their Daddy, and two amazing big brothers, Braxton and Cayden.

Everyone will find their place, fit in and routines will be made. Little by little you will start to feel comfortable.

Hang in there and have faith,
Much love to you and the Peters 'Clan,

Amanda said...

Thank you for your comment. I am thinking about running out and buying some cheap pregnancy tests, although my husband would be completely opposed.... He thinks we should wait until our blood test to find out. I just don't think I have the will-power to do wait.

Congratulations on your pregnancy with twins. I can't imagine how overwhelming it must be! I will be thinking of you!

A. said...

Destiny, I came across your blog after I lost my son River June 2008. I don't know if you remember me commenting here and there.

Anyhow, I wanted to send a great big CONGRATULATIONS your way.

We had another son since losing our first little boy and I can't tell you what an emotional rollercoaster that pregnancy was. After all, we lost one, so we know it CAN happen. Keep your focus on the Lord and He will bring you peace. I daily had to do that and He wrapped His arms around me each and every step of the way.

Also, when we were expecting our 2nd child I too went through the same emotions of wondering how I could love on two children equally and wondered how it would affect my first child and I's relationship. I tell you, the moment you see Cayden kiss their heads, all those worries will fade away.

I know you don't know me, but I will share one secret I've kept. I always wished for twins after losing my little guy. I think my mind felt that I could still have the same number of pregnancies and come out with the "right" number of children. I know that's not a healthy way to think, but grief can do all kinds of things to a person. :)

I wish you the best the rest of your pregnancy and will be lifting you up in prayer until the day you hold your TWO new little ones.

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