Saturday, August 9, 2008

Miserable...

I am utterly torn apart. I can't stop crying. I want my son back. I want my life back. I am scared to death that I am just going to fail at my new job. How will I ever make it through some days. I am serious...there are days that I cry all day...and I can't stop. How do I explain that to a new boss? I am never going to amount to anything anymore. I want to be able to function in everyday life, but I am so safe here at home. I can cry all day, or if I feel up to it....I can function. I need help. I need some advice. I am scared to death to venture out of my security/comfort zone. I am just a mess. Every song reminds me of my son that will never be here. I so want to just be at home with my baby, not at a cemetery crying over his lifeless body. Please pray for me tonight. I need extra support. I honestly feel like if I just died then I wouldn't have to be stressing over stupid meaningless stuff. Lord forgive me.

3 comments:

sccox said...

Des the Lord opens doors for us to begin healing and when there come days that you can't carry on He will carry you through. Lean on Him and He will take your burdens up. YOu are not alone!! HE is your strength. You are strong and this is another stepping stone. This job will be very good for you and they will be blessed to have you. They need you! My prayer for you is for your boss to have a sensitive spirit towards you and this will be a little piece of joy amongst the sorrow. THere are so many of us praying for you, GOd can't help but listen:) YOu are loved!

The Cantlons said...

I agree. You are loved by so many and there are so many people praying for you, Destiny. This job will be good for you . . God would not have brought you to this job if they did not need you there. I truly believe that. You are stronger than you think right now. God will carry you through. . please continue to lean on Him. I will certainly keep you in my prayers as you begin this new chapter in your life. Please keep your faith in the Lord.

Sunny said...

Please, don't stress... Although, I have to admit that if it were me I would be doing the same thing. I can completely understand the freedom in a lack of a schedule. But, a schedule is really good for some normalcy in your life. It is okay to take steps toward a life again, don't feel guilty about moving forward. Braxton wouldn't want you to stay sad forever. He wants to see you happy. The Lord is providing for you. And your friends are so right. Lean on Him. He has carried you before, and He will be faithful this time too. Call me before school starts.

 
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