Yesterday, I went to help another teacher unpack all of the resource room things for the new school. I did ok all day...although it was a long day for me. However, the drive home started a night that was horrible. I started to panic and became very overwhelmed about the new position. I ended up having three panic attacks in one night. I finally called my mom and told her that I just couldn't do it. I talked to my husband and explained that as much as I truly wanted to get back into the swing of my absent life, I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous break down. My body and mind are not ready. I jumped into it all with everyone else's thoughts in mind, and I failed to really examine myself. I wanted to help with finances, I wanted to have a job like everyone else, I wanted to look strong.....
So, after hours of crying and praying..... I had to make a decision. My husband told me that full-time was to much and that I needed to ease into a job..ie part time. I have already signed up to be a sub in the local school district. I emailed my principal and left a voice message as well. I have stressed and paced all day waiting on her to call back. I didn't know how or if I really wanted to tell her I just couldn't do it.
She finally called at 2:30. She was God sent. She had already heard from a family friend my situation, and she was so sensitive. She completed understood, and even said...if our paths cross in the future you will still be highly thought of. I can't believe it.... She truly helped me. A large weight has been lifted.
So....I will be subbing part time. I will still have time to visit with close friends that have tremendously helped me through everything. I will have down time to relax and not stress. However, financially we will be stretched. I pray that God will continue to provide as I continue the healing process.