FIREPROOF........

Our Sunday evening church service took place at the local theatre. We watched Fireproof.....and it was amazing. I would strongly encourage all couples to go and see this film. There is even a couples daily devotional book "The love Dare" that you can purchase. Jesse and I were very glad we went. The last four services have been about Marriage, and the movie just tied everything together nicely..... Do your marriage a favor.....go see the movie!!! This movie will change lifes and marriages...

a rough patch....

the last few days have been rough. i miss Braxton so much. i want so badly to feel his innocent kick or his endless hiccups. i long for the day when i can hear his cry.

Braxton Lee....mommy misses you more than ever. you mean the world to me and daddy. we love you so much, and daily we question why you had to leave. mommy sees you everywhere and hears you in the wind.....right now it just doesn't seem like enough. hugs, kisses, and tears.

Please say a prayer for us.....

yes...the "moon" was out........

so i subbed for kindergarten all day today! this is just a little tid-bit from the RR experience.

"Mrs. Petersonhead, ***** just showed us her bootie without panties. she is still doing it. "

i calmly walk into the restroom where we have a crowd of onlookers....and everyone gets silent except for the "mooner" underneath the stalls. yes...i saw bare bottom crawling under the stalls laughing hysterically. she failed to notice that the entire RR went quiet. she peeked her head out to see where her "posy" went ....and there stood mrs. petersonhead!

MRS P ----"excuse me, but I think you need to pull your pants up right now...."

STUDEN----"my pants aren't down"

MRS P---"please pull your pants up now...and come with me."

Everyone else started their nap..... and me and miss mooney had a chat.

MRS P---"i was in the RR while you were misbehaving, and i would like you to tell me what you did. if you are honest, we will return to class, if not then we will go see Mr *** (the principal)"

STUDENT---"i don't know what you mean....i don't know what I did.....(tear) please don't make me see Mr ***."

MRS P---"were you acting like a big girl in the RR? or did you have your pants down showing crawling under all the stalls"

STUDENT---"oh yeah...but they were all saying "that is funny shows us again...."

i wanted so badly to say "well if they said jump off a bridge would you" but I refrained.

i finally took a big breath after leaving for the day....and counted the hairs left on my head....ONE!

Tootles,
Mrs. Petersonhead....LOL

i dont understand.......

this is news for everyone....I haven't told a soul. We thought we were pregnant again. All the symptoms, missed period, and I was sure God was telling me that it was finally "my time." After four very expensive pregnancy tests, it turns out I AM NOT. We are so confused. What is my body doing?? I don't know if I am coming or going. I don't know up from down or left from right. All I know is I miss my son and I want a big brother or sister for him. Is that to much to ask?? We were so excited......and once again we hit the bottom of the bottom....I am wondering if there really is a bottom....or if we are going to keep falling. Today I am doubting if God is really listening!

3.5 hours later.....

and my house is CLEAN!! We swept, mopped, dusted and cleaned every room!!!

It smells so fresh...maybe I will keep it maintained now...

I couldn't have done it without the help of a very special lady....my MOM. THANKS!!

open mouth ....insert foot

Update : After waking up this morning, I felt very convicted for posting out of my anger.... I am excited for my friend, I am just very upset that things come so easily for those not even trying. I just pray that our time will come soon. Please forgive me for being bitter.

So just when I think things might be looking up.....

Jesse is a mess...he has been depressed the last few days, and today it is horrible. We miss Braxton terribly.

And then I just got a phone call that one of our friends is pregnant....and it was an unplanned!

God, WHY NOT ME??

Calm...

The last two weeks have really been an awakening for me. I can't express how much more relaxed I am. The stresses of everyday life have started to lessen, and I am enjoying life a little more. The mere thought of being in control of my work schedule excites me. I have been very good about checking sub openings, and taking the ones that are available to me. Today was my second half day and tomorrow will be my first full day.

One major change that we had to make was the amount of times we ate out for dinner. We did this a lot......probably 6 meals a week (lunches and dinner included.) I never cooked on the weekends, so lunch and dinner were both eaten in town on the go. I actually flat out hated to cook. However, last saturday I made a two week menu and headed to town by myself to do some grocery shopping. We have officially had 13 dinners at home! My husband is amazed. He commented that "I feel like we are starting to date all over again.....you know, when we lived in the little house and you cooked every night to impress me!" I enjoy cooking now. I am home during the day to plan the meal, and it doesn't bother me anymore. I did get a phone call a little bit ago.....and someone is treating us to TEXAS ROADHOUSE tonight......I am super excited!

Another change, I have been much closer to God. I bought a new Bible today. I am going to attempt to read the entire thing. However, I need a reading plan....I don't want to read from one cover to the other.....I want some pizazz. If you have a good Bible study or reading plan, please comment on it. I also started reading "A Fresh-Brewed Life" today, and I have already come to realize a few things.....

1) My random thoughts are all normal and God understands.
2) God does have a plan
3)God loves me just the way I am...I don't need to change everything.
4)It's ok to be angry
5) I am special
6) There is a difference between wishes, dreams, and longings.....
7) Everyday is a new day!

Sorry for the randomness....I just had a few things on my mind....but most importantly...

I am Calm.....