an all around miracle....

Cayden Matthew 5 days after conception....A MIRACLE

his daddy...saved by the grace of God on March 8, 2008....A Miracle

his mommy....re-saved by the grace of God on March 8, 2008.....A Miracle

his brother.... forever an angel in Heaven, a testimony and saving grace for many....A Miracle

his conception (January 28).....A Miracle

his beating heart at mere 6 weeks....A Miracle

his audible heart tones at a mere 10 weeks....A Miracle

his noticeable kicks on May 7.....A Miracle

On May 19, Doctors detect heart abnormality..possible left side damage.

his completely healed full functioning heart on May 22...... A Miracle

his continued beating heart and active life....A Miracle

God is not finished perfecting this tiny miracle. My savior can move mountains, and He is mighty to save. God can beat a 30% fetal prognosis. He can drain every inch of fluid in his chest cavity. God is the ultimate and great physician. God can do ANYTHING. Please join us in prayer for another miracle on June 2.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15

Introducing.....Cayden Matthew

It has been a stressful week around here, but I am excited to introduce to you CAYDEN MATTHEW!!!

We had our 18 week ultrasound on Tuesday. Cayden was very proud to let us know that he was indeed a boy in every aspect of the word!!! He waved to us and even seemed to "pray" periodically throughout the US. Despite all this, it was a very stressful US to say the least. The sonographer didn't have much to say and when she was "done" she left the gel on my belly and said "Well, I need to go see the Dr and make sure I have everything." Let me point out that the Dr. was in his office with another patient on a different floor. I knew right away that something was not right. The minute that the door reopened...I saw my Dr. I knew then that something was array. The sonographer had her doubts about the appearance of Cayden's heart....and of course she would only whisper to the Dr. I was so close to loosing my cool!! There was also fluid in his chest cavity. The Dr informed me that it looked abnormal and that he was sending us to a specialist in Indianapolis for a second opinion.

So Jesse and I stressed and didn't sleep until today when we saw the specialist. We were really hoping for a complete healing, or to hear that everything was fixable. As much as we wanted to hear good news, I am saddened to report that Cayden in fact appears to have some abnormalities. Cayden has a significant nuchal fold (flap of skin on the nape of his neck) and pleural effusion (fluid in chest cavity.) Both of this are red flag markers for Down Syndrome. The fluid must be monitored closely to prevent lethal changes. We are optimistic because all the other soft markers for Downs were not evident. His brain, heart, bone measurements, lips, etc are all absolutely perfect. The Dr has recommended that we do amniocentesis to specifically pinpoint the chromosomal abnormality, but the risks of the procedure are not worth his life in our eyes. Yes, it would prepare us for what we can accept at birth, but honestly, I know that I can't change the outcome, so we will lean on our Faith.

We are taking the news very seriously, and we are praying for a divine healing in Cayden's body. This just isn't the picture we had painted. But, once again God has reminded us that it is not our picture it is His. We will cherish and love Cayden just the same. My fear is that others will not. As a special education teacher, I know the troubles these kiddo's face, and it pains me to know that my son may have to endure them. I don't find it ironic at all that I went to school to work with special needs children, or that I have always said I would love to adopt a Downs baby, or that we have "special needs" animals that require a lot of care. This must just all be a part of God's plan. It is still hard to accept and we are still hurting from the news. My heart aches for the son we couldn't help, and now for the son that is ill.

In light of all of this, Jesse is still convinced that the fluid in the neck and chest will dissipate, and that Cayden will be a super healthy baby boy. Would you please add Cayden to your prayers, specifically for the fluid in his chest to drain.
He is an absolute darling, and when I am upset, he never fails to give me that "I am ok" kick.

We return to the specialist in 10 days for another US to monitor the fluid. We are praying that both abnormalities are gone (this would obviously be a healing and would at least decrease the risk of Downs.) I will keep you all informed as we know more.

"For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him." 1 Samuel 1:27

Dear Destiny...

I'll bless you and MULTIPLY your family, keeping my covenant of LOVE with you. Don't let anxiety steal your JOY; rather, tell ME about your worries and needs and THANK me in advance.

As you PRAY, you'll find that my incomparable PEACE overshadows all of your problems and insecurities.

ALWAYS be content with what you have, knowing that I'll never leave or abandon you. I'll supply everything you need, according to my ENDLESS riches in GLORY.

FAITHFULLY providing,
Your PRINCE OF PEACE

~from Deuteronomy 7:12-13; John 16:33; Philippians 4:6-7; Hebrews 13:5, Philippians 4:19

short and sweet....

I have sat down many times and started a blog, but I have failed to finish. I have received several emails, so I thought I better at least post something. The IV's are gone, but the vomiting and nausea have decided to stay around. They come and go....2 days good, 1 day bad....... I still haven't been able to feel our little one move yet, which concerns me, but I know it may still be too early. I have finally started to get some energy back.. I was literally sleeping all night and half the day!!!

Jesse and I are still super nervous and anxious about this pregnancy....it is so hard to not think about what happened with Braxton. The sermon last Sunday was on "letting go" and not being stuck on the "why" of our painful pasts. I cried the entire sermon, b/c I am not ready to "let go." I find it difficult to be sad about Braxton and happy about the new baby. Those two emotions just don't go hand in hand. I know that fear and anxiety are not of God, so any prayers to keep this feelings away would be appreciated.

Jesse just got lay-off papers yesterday, so July 31 will be his last day of work. He is actually very content with the situation.....he is a super hard worker, so he already has some things that he can do. I, on the other hand, am not as thrilled. I like him being home at 3 everyday, and with the prospective positions, there is no definite "off" time. I have tried to tell myself that at least it is a job, and I don't have to work. I am so thankful that he can provide for the both of us. He is the hardest working man I know, and yet I know I don't tell him enough how appreciative I am.

We have our 18 week appt in 2 weeks. Hopefully, I will have felt something by then. I felt Braxton during week 17 for the first time, and then frequently after 18.5 weeks.

I do appreciate all the emails and comments regarding my whereabouts!!! I promise to be a more frequent poster, just as soon as I get more energy back!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love him,Some manuscripts And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God

"> whoOr works together with those who love him to bring about what is good—with those who

"> have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Much Love,
Destiny

Look...here I am !!!

I am still alive. The last few weeks have been a little rough on me. I battled a terrible sinus infection/cold over my Spring Break. And then severe morning sickness took its toll on me. I was in the hospital for fluids and meds on Thursday. Friday got worse and had to have a home health care nurse come to our home and put in two IV's. One for fluids and one for meds. Of course my body didn't like this at all, and I started to get very jittery from the constant flow of medicine. I am currently sitting here without either iv on.....and I feel pretty good! However, I also have a terrible cold/cough AGAIN. I am telling you that Indiana weather is not good on me. It goes from 70 one day to 25 the next. It never fails, I always stay sick throughout Spring and Fall.

On the brighter side of things, the baby is doing very well. We are now almost 13 weeks. We have seen and heard the heart tones. I fall in love more and more everyday.
I was able to go on a women's retreat to Louisville Kentucky with 8 other friends two weekends ago. We had a blast and it was so nice to finally have all my friends together in one place. We stayed at one friend's family home, and let me tell you it was the best bed in breakfast around!! Not really, but it sure felt like one. The weekend was very emotionally draining for me. I was able to get a lot of my pent up emotions about Braxton out and in the open. It amazes me that one day I am fine, and the next two days are nothing but tears for the son I didn't get to bring home. I am coping and doing my best. Sometimes I just need to let it all out. And regardless of what some people say....I will never get over this.

Jesse's first race was on Sat...and yes like an idiot I tried to go. Needless to say, I didn't make it very long and my brother had to come get me. Jesse did an awesome job. He finished 3rd!!! Secretly, I am glad we didn't win, b/c I wouldn't have been able to live with myself for missing that. I have yet to miss a race, and Sat was the first.

As usual our animals are keeping our pockets empty and us on our toes. Outlaw (the fat cat) was diagnosed with diabetes and needs two injections of very expensive insulin everyday!
Princess (the dainty boxer) had to have a $600 surgery to repair a busted blood vessel in her ear. And of course Nala (the big baby) is going blind...... I am telling you I should have invested in pet insurance 6 years ago. I am such a softie when it comes to animals. I couldn't just give up on them b/c of diabetes, busted blood vessels, or bad eyes...so we will foot the bills that will continue to follow!!

I wish I had some fun pictures to share, but I have been so "down" lately that I don't even know where my camera is. But if you want to see some great pics of some super adorable kids go to my friend Sunny's page The Red Nine.

I have a good post brewing that I really would like to share, but I first need to get someone's permission.

Much Love,
Destiny and baby!!

wow...

I know, I know it has been two weeks since I last posted...WOW! I have been reading and checking blogs on a daily basis, but I have been so tired, that the thought of having to think about writing something was tiring! I started back to work full time as a kindergarten teacher. Wow, these kids have a lot of energy. Not to mention, they are completely different than jr/sr high students! I love and adore each and every one of them though.

The baby is growing right on track. Yesterday we had our nine week appt. We got to see the babies arms, legs, and body moving. He/She was jumping all around. It looked like it was using the sac as a trampoline!!!! It was a very bittersweet moment for us. We were both ecstatic. This was our last appt with the specialist, and it was very emotional. I hate goodbyes, so I cried and then he and his wife(his nurse) cried. He hugged me and told me that he wanted to see pictures of this baby crying in my arms. I really wanted to hear the heartbeat, and he wanted to see if the clinic would use the newer US machine, but I didn't have a lot of time. I couldn't figure out why "hearing" the heartbeat meant so much to me, when I could see it. Laying in bed last night it dawned on me. Hearing Braxton's heartbeat was the only sign of life that I ever knew, so that sound is so bittersweet to my ears. I know that I can see it, but I need to hear it to be sure. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it makes sense to me.

I will leave you with our 7 week and 9 week pictures of our "shooting star." The 9 week is blury, but you can see the head, arms, and legs if you look closely (and if you know what you are looking at!)

7 weeks


9 weeks

I promise to update sooner next time.....

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.
Psalm 1:24

"Bubby's Song"

i heard this on the radio yesterday on my way to the cemetery. i changed the lyrics to make it fit our situation.....and i cried!

Why did he have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young man
grandson, baby, son
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

He flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting
And I know he's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones he left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

He flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting
And I know he's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
His picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

He flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting
And I know he's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me