Wednesday, March 2, 2011

"Is my baby ok?" "My baby is ok, right??"

February 14, 2008 3:28am

Fluorescent lights humming.  Cabinet doors opening and closing.  Somber faces on bodies that appear to be moving in fast forward.  IV pump incessantly beeping.  Scratchy noises coming from heart monitor.  Tired Dr looks confused.  I roll left.  I roll right.  Still tired from pushing.  I am calm.  I am naive.  Surely something isn't wrong.  Why are they all looking at everything but me.  Internal probe inserted and nothing.  Conversation overheard between doctor and nurse "Get her ready for ER C-section."  Calmly I asked "Is my baby OK?"  Nothing.  Maybe they didn't hear me.  Jesse why won't you say anything.  A little louder. "My baby is OK, right?" Nothing.  No one looks up, no one acknowledges my question.  After a look from me to Jesse what is going on , Jesse asks a little louder than myself.  "Is the baby OK?"  Finally the Dr looks up and says " We are getting very erratic readings from the internal probes, we are going to get the baby out as quickly as we can via C-section.  My bed moves quickly.  The lights look light flashes.  What has gone wrong?  I was still naive.  Still excited to finally meet this bundle we had dreamed of for years, this miracle in my belly.  Daddy's Dream Mommy's Miracle. 

If only I had known.  Do you suppose "they" knew it was too late??


Krista said...

Heartbreaking. I just hate how those memories just pop up out of nowhere. Praying that you feel peace.

Brittanie said...

I think that the fact that they did a csection shows that they HOPED that there was a chance for him. If there was no hope for him, they would have done what was best for you, which isn't a csection. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. ((hugs))

Toots and Helen said...

So sorry, Destiny ~ I never knew you had a c-section. I have read that post at least 5 times, thinking 'that could have been me' because I was naive, too ~ VERY! My parents wouldn't even let me watch the kittens being born, so call me clueless! I guess there is a lot that a lot of us don't know, which is fine! You have been so candid in your posts, and I just forget when I look at Cayden what you had to go thru to get to that point. Now - a whole NOTHER experience!!! God is good, giving you sweet Cayden, and now the twins!!! Be as happy as you CAN be Destiny; I know you'll never forget, but in time, I hope you heal!! Love you guys + 4!!!!

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