February 14, 2008 3:28am
Fluorescent lights humming. Cabinet doors opening and closing. Somber faces on bodies that appear to be moving in fast forward. IV pump incessantly beeping. Scratchy noises coming from heart monitor. Tired Dr looks confused. I roll left. I roll right. Still tired from pushing. I am calm. I am naive. Surely something isn't wrong. Why are they all looking at everything but me. Internal probe inserted and nothing. Conversation overheard between doctor and nurse "Get her ready for ER C-section." Calmly I asked "Is my baby OK?" Nothing. Maybe they didn't hear me. Jesse why won't you say anything. A little louder. "My baby is OK, right?" Nothing. No one looks up, no one acknowledges my question. After a look from me to Jesse what is going on , Jesse asks a little louder than myself. "Is the baby OK?" Finally the Dr looks up and says " We are getting very erratic readings from the internal probes, we are going to get the baby out as quickly as we can via C-section. My bed moves quickly. The lights look light flashes. What has gone wrong? I was still naive. Still excited to finally meet this bundle we had dreamed of for years, this miracle in my belly. Daddy's Dream Mommy's Miracle.
If only I had known. Do you suppose "they" knew it was too late??