Friday, November 28, 2008

lost Hope...lost time

well, i do not have good news to report. once again, the results are negative. where do we turn?? i feel so much like Job right now. i feel like God is giving Satan every chance to try and break our Faith. Satan, bring it on. no matter what, we will stand strong in our Faith. we will try another IVF cycle. we will have a baby or babies. however, i am so ready for God to just say "told you so" to Satan, and let us move on.

so, i didn't feel like celebrating thanksgiving. i ate spaghetti for dinner and i stayed in my pj's all day. i cried all day. i cried for the son that was supposed to be here. i cried b/c i had to shop for a grave blanket. i cried b/c the Christmas tree will be at the cemetery.... i cried b/c i wanted to be thankful for everything i have, but i would give up so much if i could just have him back.

"in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

my daily devotional challenged me to just say "God I am thankful for....." something that we aren't happy about being thankful for. i cried all day, b/c i couldn't grasp saying it. i couldn't believe that something like this would come out of my mouth. but, i ended my day sitting with Braxton and i said.....

"God, i am thankful that bubby is in a better place."

as we face another day of disappointment....please don't give up on us....Pray...

i did see this today...and it is beyond words. please visit this site and leave a comment in honor of Braxton. isn't it beautiful....

God Bless,
One Sad Mommy

10 comments:

AmandaHoyt said...

Destiny and Jesse,
I am so sorry that you had a bad day yesterday. I am sorry for the disappointing news you received. I pray that you feel a peace that only He can give to you.
I am praying for you both.
Hugs,
Amanda

2Erica2 said...

I am so sorry. I know how horrible that is to get a negative result after a LONG time with IVF/ART. It is horrible to go through all of this and then be disappointed in the end. I think we who deal with this need to keep our faith and just believe it will happen sometime. I am just so sorry that you are dealing with both things at once! Just know you have someone in your corner!

Lisa said...

I am sorry to hear of the negative news. I so wish that I had some words of wisdom for you, but every single time I went through fertility treatments and it didn't work... I knew that there was nothing that anyone could say or do that would comfort me. I just want you to know that I am keeping that faith for you and hoping that one day soon you will hold that little baby that you are longing for. I love seeing little Braxton's name in the sand...how sweet that is for your precious boy!! Here is to hoping that your next Thanksgiving will be the best one ever!! Hugs and prayers.

Kellie said...

I am so sorry that you got the result that I am sure you were dreading! I am praying for you often; especially through the holidays! I know how tough it is!

The White Family said...

You are in my prayers each and every day. I am so sorry for your negative result but just hold on to faith. Good things are in store for you so just keep your head up. Much love and prayers from SC.

HUGS, Alicia

2jne said...

I am really sorry for the negative results. I know there is nothing I can say to make it better. We are praying for you guys.

Jessica

pholmes said...

Praying for you today, like always.....

Marisha said...

I'm sorry for the bad news. I am hoping and praying for your baby to come to you soon!
"But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it." Romans 8:25 This scripture was my lifeline during my struggle with infertility.
Praying and thinking of you!

Ashly said...

I'm sorry for the negative result. I pray for peace for you. It's okay to put up the tree!

Trennia said...

Hi I too had a baby go to heaven may 3,2008 her name is Emily Grace Hedges. I'm sure your son and my daughter are in heaven in the arms of JESUS. I was wondering what you had put on your son's headstone? I would like to read it.Here is my blog you can view my daughter's headstome inscription there.http://stillservinghimthroughthestorm.blogspot.com

LORD bless you and give you comfort.
In CHRIST JESUS, Trennia

 
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