it was this month one year ago that i felt the first innocent kick. i was at work and i thought i felt small air bubbles. later that night, i was laying flat on my back on the couch, and this is where i felt it again. oh, how i wish i could just feel it one more time. i long for those rib punches. the bigger he got, the more he nestled his little bottom up into my left rib. i would give endless "butt/back" rubs and he loved it. he would push out for more. every once in a while i swear i can still feel the innocent small kick just saying "mom, i am still right here." i know it really isn't a kick, but it sure is an amazing feeling.
as the fall sets in and winter hangs in the balance, i am constantly worried about him being "cold." as we put another log on the fire to keep our home cozy, i can't fathom that he has to lay in the cold crisp fall air. jesse tries to remind me that he is warm all the time, but i just can't seem to stop worrying. i want to take him a blanket every night. i want to hold him close and keep him warm. i want to lay down with him and cover his grave. i just want him here.
if you happen to read this entry, please pray that he is safe, warm, and happy in the Lord's arms. i am also praying that he is hand-picking a brother or sister for mommy and daddy to have here on Earth.