Update 10:40 PM.... I didn't "fair" so well tonight. I bawled the entire way home. I laid on the ground at the cemetery. I made the decision to go on family night....dumb idea. There were babies and pregnant ladies everywhere. I was supposed to have the stroller with an adorable baby... but my hands were free. I am having an anxiety attack as I type...
I have really had a lot of anxiety issues around groups of people. One, no one ever says anything about my son. Two, I can't stand to see overwhelming happiness. But I have overcome one milestone.
We are big fans of 4-H and going to the fair. Jesse's little sis (aka Hannah) still shows sheep and swine. I knew we would be going and I was not scared this time. I mean as you know the fair is a big place around here. But, as I got out of the car, I just knew some others were going to be getting special attention for their new babies....and mine wasn't there to show. It made me bitter. And if I see one more pregnant lady, I might just scream in public.
Somewhere I pulled through as I continued to hear the words "relax, and know that I am God." God spoke to me. I was at a controllable level of calm. My husband even commended me numerous times "honey, I am so proud of you for making it through."
Wednesday is the swine show, and Jesse will be there by 7:30 am to help all day. I will go when I get out of bed. He helps run the show ring. The Grand Champion drive starts at 8 pm that night. I have to announce that their is going to be a "Braxton Lee Peters Above and Beyond Award." A new award in Braxton's name. We will be presenting it to a first year member. I would love to have you come out in Braxton's honor. I think that day will be ok too.
On another note. I have to find a job soon. I resigned from my last job, b/c I felt pressured to let my principal know, so he could hire someone else right away. I had an interview yesterday that I really would like to have. So please pray about my job calling as well.
And for a final thought...we are anxiously trying again for another baby. Send Baby Dust our way.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)