~dreaming~

perfection and innocence

I couldn't help but want to snuggle with this little man this morning

As he dreamed and smiled (at his brother).

and then he wakes up and smiles at me!!!

MckMama Giveaway!!

I am super excited about this giveaway. Go check it out!

Rainbows

Babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Five ways you can tell that I am a mother of a rainbow baby

1- When Cayden cries, it makes me smile.

2- Sleepless nights make me happy....

3- Until Cayden was born, it had been almost a year and a half since I had a genuine smile on my face. Everyone can now tell just how happy I am because I have developed mouth wrinkles! I think it is because I haven't stopped smiling since 6:23 on September 29, 2009!!!

4-Even when I am without baby Cayden, I carry my diaper bag as a purse just because I finally have a reason to carry a diaper bag and I want the world to know!

5-And finally, when Cayden looks up at the ceiling and smiles, I don't assume he is looking at the lights or the ceiling fan.... I know that he is looking up at one beautiful angel that surrounds our family, and he is giving him a giant smile of thanks for protecting him.

If you are a mother of a rainbow baby and you have anything you would like to add, please leave me a comment. I would love to hear what you do that makes you stand out!

2 months!

~Can you believe it, I am already two months old!! Here I am giving my mommy the much anticipated smile! I am starting to smile and coo. I especially smile when mommy and daddy smile at me!
~ I had my two month check up, and I am still really small. I weigh 8lbs 2oz and 20 1/4 in long. I am built like my daddy. He was always the smallest boy too!

~ I am eating every 3 hours during the day. I nurse mostly, but when I eat a bottle...serve me up 4 oz!!!

~I love my baby einstein play mat...the bright music making star holds my attention.

~I am a new fan of my swing...I love to just swing and stare!

~It doesn't matter what time mommy and daddy put me down at night, I will wake up b/w 2:30 and 3:30 to eat....then I am out until 7:30. Mommy then puts me on her chest and we go right back to sleep until 9. She taught me well, sleep is GOOD!



~I think I am a pretty studly looking little guy...

~I am really fascinated with this world...it all catches my eye. I like to follow interesting things...like mommy and daddy's faces!

~I was a trooper, I only cried when they stuck me.


~ I am a stud muffin! Ladies watch out!

~Thankful Thursday~

We are so thankful today. Thankful for the dream we are living, and thankful for the sorrowful past we had to live to get here. Thankful that Cayden is filling our lives with joy here on earth. Thankful that Braxton is rejoicing with Jesus in Heaven. Thankful that we have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Thankful for all of our friends and family. God has blessed us abundantly!!!

a heavy heart....

I am writing this with a heavy heart. The words are not coming easily. I have so much to say, but just not the right words to truly express my feelings. To sum it up...I miss Braxton Lee. Having Cayden and being completely overjoyed with him does not mean that I am over losing Braxton.

To many, this may seem absurd. How can she still be so sad..it has been 21 months? To this I would say, pick a child of yours to go away forever and see how you feel 21 months later. Braxton was my first son. He was my baby. There are memories that I have, and memories that I am clinging onto.

Sadness seems to creep in on me. Just when I think I am doing ok, I see a big sister leaning in to give her little sister the most precious kiss. I see the glimmer in the proud big sisters eyes. These are the moments when I miss him most. Thinking and seeing what "big siblings" do.

It is hard that some people have seemingly forgotten that I was already a mom, that I had a son, and that I miss him so much, and am far from over it. It is as if that part of me has been erased, when nothing could be further from the truth.

I will never get over it. You wouldn't either. The holidays seem to make the pain more real. I miss him more than words can say. There will forever be a hole in my heart. A hole that noone can fill. I am thankful for God's answered prayer and the healthy baby that I have here. I will forever long for the day when we can all unite in Heaven.

Braxton Lee, you are one in a million and noone will ever take your place, Though I could try, There’s no way that I could ever forget your face, You’re more than one in a million, No other ever could do, Cause not even one in a million, could ever compare to you, Could ever come close to you.

and Cayden says....