Monday, November 23, 2009
I am writing this with a heavy heart. The words are not coming easily. I have so much to say, but just not the right words to truly express my feelings. To sum it up...I miss Braxton Lee. Having Cayden and being completely overjoyed with him does not mean that I am over losing Braxton.
To many, this may seem absurd. How can she still be so sad..it has been 21 months? To this I would say, pick a child of yours to go away forever and see how you feel 21 months later. Braxton was my first son. He was my baby. There are memories that I have, and memories that I am clinging onto.
Sadness seems to creep in on me. Just when I think I am doing ok, I see a big sister leaning in to give her little sister the most precious kiss. I see the glimmer in the proud big sisters eyes. These are the moments when I miss him most. Thinking and seeing what "big siblings" do.
It is hard that some people have seemingly forgotten that I was already a mom, that I had a son, and that I miss him so much, and am far from over it. It is as if that part of me has been erased, when nothing could be further from the truth.
I will never get over it. You wouldn't either. The holidays seem to make the pain more real. I miss him more than words can say. There will forever be a hole in my heart. A hole that noone can fill. I am thankful for God's answered prayer and the healthy baby that I have here. I will forever long for the day when we can all unite in Heaven.
Braxton Lee, you are one in a million and noone will ever take your place, Though I could try, There’s no way that I could ever forget your face, You’re more than one in a million, No other ever could do, Cause not even one in a million, could ever compare to you, Could ever come close to you.
Posted by Daddy's Dream ~Mommy's Miracle at 9:07 PM