Break Every Chain...

I have felt a new "freedom" for several months, and it needs to be shared.  So many of us live with things of the past that need to be let go of.  There was a sermon last year that changed something in me...  It was something that I was "holding on to."  We can't truly be free if we are holding onto even the smallest of things.  Our relationship with Christ can't mature and grow if we are letting something, someone, or sometime hold us back.  In a nutshell the sermon was about letting go of "baggage" from the past. 

Throughout the entire sermon there was a name that kept resounding in my head/mind.  The name of someone who my flesh likes to blame for my loss.  I have said that I have "forgiven" several times, but there was still a part of me that was "holding on," just so I would feel better about the entire situation. It always makes us feel better if we can point fingers at someone or something for the strongholds or situations in our lives. 

The disgusting selfish side of me felt better having someone to "blame."  While my heart knew that God was in control that night, my earthly flesh kept reminding me that there were others in control that night as well.  Holding onto my anger only kept me stirred about the situation. 

The song "Break every Chain" played during worship, and before I even knew what the sermon was about...God was stirring my heart.  He was speaking directly to me to "let go."  About mid sermon our pastor asked us to think about a time, person, stronghold, issue, etc that we were carrying around with us, and to write it on the slip of paper that had been provided to us. 

I cried.  I leaned into one of my best friends who has also lost a baby, and simply said "I just can't write it down."  She reminded me that it wasn't for that person, but for me.  I knew that if I wanted true freedom in Christ that I needed to "let go." 

As the sermon ended, we were asked to bring the slips of paper down front and rip them up at the altar...symbolizes "letting go."  I waited....my flesh and heart fought a hard battle.  The enemy kept reminding me of why I was "holding on," and my Savior kept me reminding me why I needed to "let go."  I wrote that name down, stood to my feet, and walked to the altar with my husband on one side and my friend behind me. 

As the song repeated..."break every chain, break every chain, break every chain," I tore that paper into tiny pieces and laid them at the altar.  It was in the coming weeks that I began to feel "free."  I was letting something that I could not and can not change, hold me back from truly enjoying this life. 

Are you living in the past?  Is there something or someone who has hurt you deeply that you just keep clinging to, and using as an excuse to why life is hard for you?  Is it something that you can not change...if so, let it go.  I have spent the last 4 years of my life bound to chains that I have no control over.  A situation that as much as my wish I could...I can not change.  I can't have him back in this life, so it is time I start truly enjoying the blessed life that I have here. 

Am I still  sad and upset at the situation...absolutely.  I miss him to the core of my being.  Watching my friends' 4 year olds hurts at times.  I am watching what I am missing out on.  However, holding on to the hurt/anger only makes me miss more of this life that I don't have to miss.

Listen to this song, and let your heart cry out to God.  Ask Him to heal that hurt.  Only He can set you free.  Forgiving is about forgiving the person/situation and the sin.  If we want God to forgive us, we must forgive as we wish to be forgiven...completely not half heartedly! 

Do not let the bondage of the past keep you from being truly free!  God can bring you hope and healing.  He is mighty to save!  Let the Holy Spirit stir something in you! 

I am fully aware that this is a journey...I will probably have to "let go" of the same thing for many years to come...but this is a great start!!!

Praise be to Jesus!

~Sharing Thirty- One~

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~10 Months~

Time can slow down anytime now!!!  The closer they get to one...the more I want another one...and the more I realize... we might be done..sigh.

~Brock Adam~

* He got pretty sick at the beginning of March (RSV and ear infections then flu!)  He ended up losing over a pound.

* He weighs exactly 17lbs.

*Starting eating table foods this month!!  (cheerios, grilled cheese, applesauce, cereal bars, fish)

* Size 3 diaper.

*9 month clothes, 3-6mo pants.....now that it has been nice out he can actually where some 3-6 outfits...he really just needs 9 mo for length!

*He is definitely my "happy baby." He has a very laid back loving personality.

*Got first tooth!

*Pulls up on everything...can crawl, sit, crawl.
*Laughs and giggles at random times!! (so cute)

~Lynlee Grace~

* Weighs 17# 4 oz

* Got RSV as well.

* LOVES table food and LOVES to eat!!

*She is a DADDY'S GIRL. 

* She prefers men over women.

*Size 3 diaper.

*9 month clothes, 3-6 mo pants....can wear short sleeved 6 month stuff!

* Has two teeth!

*Pulls ups to everything! Can crawl, sit, crawl.

*Personality like Cayden!

(She wouldn't stop moving or laughing for pictures!)

Getting picture of both...is nearly impossible!!! 

But...I got one!!

These babies are more precious than life itself!!!   I love them more and more everyday! I love watching them "grow" into very different children.
 

REALLY??!!

Monday night we put the kids to bed at their regular bedtimes; 8 for babies and 9 for Cayden.  I was really tired as well, so I went to bed with Cayden.  All was well until 11pm.  I heard
Brock fussing (which is not unusual for him...if I put him in bed with me, he goes right back to sleep.)  As I was trying to get him out of crib, I hear a painful cry coming from Cayden's room.  I picked Brock up and headed to check on Cayden.  Just as soon as I got into Cayden's room, I heard Lynlee crying!  I had to pinch myself to be sure I wasn't just dreaming. REALLY??!!

I had to wake up Jesse, because I knew I wasn't going to be able to get them all back asleep.  I woke him up and asked him to try to calm Cayden while I went to get Lynlee.  I no more than walked out of our room, when I heard Cayden stumbling around in the bathroom!!  I quickly went back to my room to find that Jesse has already fallen back asleep....REALLY??!!

I decided to wake him and and send him down with Brock to try and rock him.  I laid with Cayden for awhile, and he continued to toss/turn, cry out, flail arms and legs.  I decided that Cayden, Lynlee, and I would attempt to "snuggle" on the couch in hopes that they would both fall asleep. 

As we got downstairs, Jesse was getting up to take Brock back to bed.  He could have no more than laid him down and got back into bed when I heard Brock screaming again.  I waited thinking that Jesse would just get back up and get him again....waited....waited....let me cry for about 7 minutes, then I slowly hoisted myself off couch...Cayden was finally asleep...and Lynlee was dozing in my arms.  I went into our room, and politely asked Jesse if he could hear Brock.  "huh? what? what is going on? what's wrong?"  I politely responded with "Brock has been screaming since you laid him back down."  "He has?  I must have fallen asleep."  REALLY!!!?? 

pinch....I am still awake!!!

I then proceeded to tell him that Cayden was asleep on couch.  I asked him to go down and get Cayden and take him back to his bed.  I got into our bed with Brock, hoping that he had worn himself out from crying for the last 1.5 hrs.  I waited for Jesse to come back up with Cayden...and he never did! 

After another hour passed, and Brock was still crying, I went back downstairs to asked for some assistance....by this point, I can hardly hold my eyes open.  I was shocked to find a sleeping Jesse curled up on the couch....Cayden still laying with his head crooked! 

I kindly asked Jesse if he could please rock Brock again, so I could attempt to get some rest.  With a startled response says "huh?  yea.  I can go back down and rock him."  "Honey you are already down, you never came back up with Cayden."  "I didn't?  I thought I took him back to his bed??"  REALLY??!!

No joke..he laid his head back down and started snoring!  I was getting a bit perturbed at this point, but I went to the rocking chair and starting rocking.  Brock continued to cry.  I grabbed a thermometer, and sure enough he had a fever of 102!  I gave him some Tylenol and started rocking again After another 20 minutes of crying...I said very loudly as to wake Jesse up "SERIOUSLY?"  He jumped up from couch... "I told you I would rock him." "Yes, you did...a half hour ago!!" REALLY??!!

By this point it was 2:15.  I decided that I would try driving around with him in hopes that would lull him to sleep. So, yes at 230 a.m. I got into my car and went for a ride! 

I drove around the country block and came back home (20 min.)  I didn't turn any lights on when I got into house, because I didn't want to wake him up.  I heard Jesse get off couch as I was unstrapping Brock.  I assumed he was carrying Cayden up to his room.  I went ahead and took Brock up to his crib.  As I was laying Brock down, I heard Jesse going back downstairs....I assumed to grab Cayden's blanket.  So, I just went ahead and went back to our bed.  About 3 minutes later, Jesse climbed into bed and screamed like a girl..."Oh my gosh...you scared the crap out of me.  I thought you left to take Brock for a ride??"  REALLY??!!

Tuesday morning, Jesse called from work and says "Man, that was the craziest night ever.  We didn't get any sleep!"  REALLY??!!

With a chuckle, I calmly explained the sleepless night that I had!!!  I am pretty sure he got plenty of sleep...he just wasn't sure if he was sleeping in bed, couch, or recliner!! 

Needless to say, all of my children slept until 10!!!  I had lunch plans, so I managed to peel myself off couch.  As I was eating, my phone rang, and it was my mom (who was watching the boys.)  She said that Cayden had been crying the entire morning.  I finished my lunch and headed back home.  I called the Dr on my way and they told me to bring him in. 

I decided that I was taking all the kids, because I was going to have them look in Brock's ears as well. 

Dr looked into Cayden's

I simply asked her if she wouldn't mind just peeking at Brock's ears to, because he had been up all night.  She didn't mind checking him at all.  After checking, she frowned and said "I am afraid he has a double ear infection as well."

I jokingly said "well maybe you should just check Lynlee too!"  To which she responded "I sure will!"

"I am afraid she has a double ear infection too!!"  REALLY??!!!

 I guess the ear infections explain the insane night we had.   Would you please lift my sweet babies up in prayer?  There are times when I feel like my prayers aren't being heard....and this is one of them! 

I am so ready for my babies to be healthy (for more than a week!)  Brock's surgery will be postponed indefinitely until we find out if he will need tubes.  (This is the 4th ear infection......it has really been one big continuous infection with breaks while on antibiotics!)

Just for giggles....REALLY??!!!