Wednesday, December 17, 2008

rough night......


i am having a really rough night. let me be honest.....i am having a really rough month, and it seems like everyday gets a little harder. as i was looking through pictures, i came across this one. i can't stop crying. he was alive....he was kicking me. he was active.....he was just like daddy! God...why??

i don't understand. i tried to go shopping. all i see are pregnant women with toddlers! christmas cards with happy families and new babies. mommy's and daddy's shopping for the first christmas. i am tired of the torment. there doesn't seem to be anyone that understands. i miss him so much!

i need a prayer.....

13 comments:

Lisa said...

Destiny - I am so sorry that everything you run into lately is reminding you of your precious little boy. I remember when we lost our child... it was the only thing that was constantly hitting me right smack dab in the middle of the face. Yep, I was seeing babies everywhere I turned. I would hear babies crying, see pregnant women, tons of cute baby clothes that I could buy and it never got easy for me until it got harder for me. Does that make sense? Unfortunately, it seems like we always have to go through the storm in order to get to the rainbow. I am keeping you and your hubby in my prayers and I hope that one day soon you will be able to hold that precious baby that you so desire to have. It will happen in time. I am thinking of you always.

God Bless,
Lisa

Jean's Blessings said...

Destiny, I know I don't know how you feel, but I am feeling with you. Every time I read one of your blogs that says how sad you are or how hard things are right now I feel for you and want so badly to help you in some way, but I know that I can't really do anything to make you feel better. Just know that I am thinking about you and Jesse. WE LOVE YOU!!!

Katie said...

praying.

AmandaHoyt said...

Destiny,
I am so sorry for how you are feeling right now. Know you are in my prayers.
Hugs,
Amanda

Krista said...

Sending prayers your way. And yes, there are people who understand and I am one of them! I am totally avoiding the malls and only go shopping at odd hours when I know the preggies won't be out. I pray before I open my Christmas cards because seeing all of the happy families just reminds me of all that I lost and it hurts so much. I am saying a prayer for you and for all of us that we can lean on each other during the next few diffucult days and weeks, that we remember we are not alone and that we are filled with a peace and comfort that only God can give us.

K

Anonymous said...

O Sweet Child, Your pain is real. Your pain is deep. I am praying for you each day. That the joy would return to your life. That what you see would bring hope not saddness to your soul. I will keep praying for you, knowing life is hard and we need Jesus to help us through. TMP

*jAcLyN* said...

I won't even pretend like I know how you feel because I have no clue. I do know that you are in pain and that I understand. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so.

mlg- believe N miracles said...

I understand. I also see reminders everyday, at work, at the grocery store etc.... I also dread checking the mail to receive Christmas cards from friends with their children plastered all over them .
Please know that we are here for you. We can all find support in one another. You are not alone.
I pray for all of us that we wont have empty arms for long.

Sunny said...

Oh Des, I am so sorry. If there is anything you need, just call me. I know that this is going to be harder than I can comprehend. I just typed a stinking ton and deleted it all. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to help. But I do love you very much. And you still have a birthday present waiting for you over here :)

Jennifer said...

Destiny,
I came across your blog about a month ago. I have been praying for you and your husband. I pray that God's loving presence will strengthen you and His grace will sustain you. You are not alone, for there are so many who are a part of the suffering body of Christ. Through our loss of Kyler we have grown deeper into our relationship with the Lord. Even though we don't understand His ways or may not even like them, I do believe that He is glorified through them. As it says in Isaiah, I pray that God will turn your ashes into beauty and give you a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am lifting you up to the Prince of Peace.

Love in Christ,
Jennifer

Tammy Nischan said...

Destiny,

I was just given your blog address by a friend of yours. I, too, am walking the road of grief. We lost our 6-week old daughter to SIDS in 1992 and then just three weeks ago our 13-year old son passed away after a 6 1/2 year battle with brain cancer. I write to say that you are not alone in your pain, and that I love you and am praying for you right this minute. I just KNOW that God is faithful and His timing is perfect. I went through a similar journey of longing for another baby after we lost Adrienne and finally had two more sons (Todd and Nick)....then we adopted a little girl from India in 1999. I wish I could hug you. I truly do! You are looking up, and that is where you will find peace, love,and joy....again. I love the verse that says that those who reap in tears will sow in joy! It is in Psalms. You, my dear sister in the Lord, will one day sow JOY! I promise!

Longing to feel that joy and believing it will come again,
A fellow hurting mommy,
Tammy

Cindi said...

Destiny, I don't know you, but have followed your blog for some time. I check it daily pretty much and just felt the need to come out of "lurking" and write to you. My heart is breaking for you and I wish there was something I could do. I will continue to keep you in my prayers...I cannot imagine the pain you are going through and hope the prayers lift and ease the pain.

Hope Wilson said...

Praying in Georgia...

 
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