~ONE YEAR OLD~

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear meeee...Happy Birthday to me!!!!  This is an exciting day at our house, my mommy and daddy have been dreaming of this day for a long time.  Let's get right to my "stats."

~ I am weighing in at...  (check back on the 4th after my appt!)

~ Size 3 diaper.

~3-6, 6, 6-9 month shirts ----3-6, 6 month pants

~ Sleeps 9-9 with one wake up to get in mommy's bed (around 7)

~ Completely on sippy with whole milk.

~ New words : Fish, bye bye, cess (for Princess), papaw, yes, etta (Erica)

~ I am cruising along anything I can.

~ I can stand alone for short 3 second spurts.

~ I got another top tooth.

~ I just started walking behind my car and hippo really well.

 

~ I LOVE to climb on and up anything!

a life sentence

****Warning..this post is negative.  It is a sob story, pity party, feel bad for myself post.  If you are not interested in listening to me whine, then don't read!

Today, I feel like Braxton's death is a life sentence of anguish and pain.  There is something everyday that sparks feelings of sadness or anger. (There are days when I have LOTS of happiness too, but today is not one of them.)  Read on to hear what life seems to be like. 

~ Every 14 of the month is a reminder of just how old he should be. 

~ Ambien, Xanax, and anti-depressants are necessary parts of our medicine cabinet, just so I can cope.

~ Losing Braxton made me a very clingy, dependent person...this is not healthy for my marriage!

~ Nothing can fully satisfy me. There is forever a hole in my heart.

~ Time did not erase anything!

~ Seeing other children his "age" makes me wonder why, what if, how?

~ Planning a birthday party for Cayden seems unfair to Braxton...all I ever got to  "give" him was a headstone.

~ I am overprotective (Cayden will hate this when he grows up.)

~ I am moody and can snap at any moment for unknown reasons.

~ I should know what to say to my friends who are walking closely behind my footsteps...however all I can do is cry for them.

~ Constantly live trying to balance sadness and happiness at the same time (this is extremely difficult.)

~ News broadcasts about irresponsible parents who kill children makes me question God's motive. ( Why couldn't I keep Braxton, why can't I get pregnant, but they do?)

~ I want the happy-go-lucky girl back that enjoyed everything about life (I don't even know where to begin to get her back, I am so far gone.)

I am a mess.  I don't know why.  I feel distant from this world.  I need prayer. 

He is

everything

we ever

dreamed of

and quite possibly

the cutest boy we know!!!.

~Fall Friday "Foto" Fun~

~11 Months~

Hip Hip Hooray...my first birthday is a month away!!!  Can you believe it?  I am pretty sure it makes my mommy happy and sad (is that possible?) 

~ I weigh 16# 12oz
~ I am using up all of my size 2's and then mommy says we can just wear 3 diapers. 

~ My clothes size has remained the same for several months...no changes.

~ I am eating like a champ...they can't feed me fast enough.  3 meals, 2 snacks, and 2 drinks from mom.

~ I am not standing on my own yet, just content holding on to things.

~ I got my first birthday present already, and it is my FAVORITE toy right now. 

~ I got another tooth..we are at 5 now.

~ I love playing peek-a-boo.

~ Bath time is one of my favorite times of the day. 

~ "Bath," "more," and "ball" are words that I have tried really hard to pronounce.  I say a lot of other things too, but no one can figure out what I am talking about!

~ I have been a little monkey lately, trying to climb anything that I can. (and eating my bananas!)

~ I really have been wanting only my mommy lately.

~ I love cats and horses...they make me laugh.

~ We went to my first red-neck convention (the combine demolition derby!!)

~ These two pics are the result of my first day in the garage with daddy...notice my dirty feet and knees!

~ I love being chased around things. I love being on the go!

~ Yes I know, I am the cutest little guy you have ever seen!!!

a love that runs deep

~Brotherly Love~

~kisses for bubby, kisses for baby~