~Thankful Thursday~

We are so thankful today. Thankful for the dream we are living, and thankful for the sorrowful past we had to live to get here. Thankful that Cayden is filling our lives with joy here on earth. Thankful that Braxton is rejoicing with Jesus in Heaven. Thankful that we have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Thankful for all of our friends and family. God has blessed us abundantly!!!

a heavy heart....

I am writing this with a heavy heart. The words are not coming easily. I have so much to say, but just not the right words to truly express my feelings. To sum it up...I miss Braxton Lee. Having Cayden and being completely overjoyed with him does not mean that I am over losing Braxton.

To many, this may seem absurd. How can she still be so sad..it has been 21 months? To this I would say, pick a child of yours to go away forever and see how you feel 21 months later. Braxton was my first son. He was my baby. There are memories that I have, and memories that I am clinging onto.

Sadness seems to creep in on me. Just when I think I am doing ok, I see a big sister leaning in to give her little sister the most precious kiss. I see the glimmer in the proud big sisters eyes. These are the moments when I miss him most. Thinking and seeing what "big siblings" do.

It is hard that some people have seemingly forgotten that I was already a mom, that I had a son, and that I miss him so much, and am far from over it. It is as if that part of me has been erased, when nothing could be further from the truth.

I will never get over it. You wouldn't either. The holidays seem to make the pain more real. I miss him more than words can say. There will forever be a hole in my heart. A hole that noone can fill. I am thankful for God's answered prayer and the healthy baby that I have here. I will forever long for the day when we can all unite in Heaven.

Braxton Lee, you are one in a million and noone will ever take your place, Though I could try, There’s no way that I could ever forget your face, You’re more than one in a million, No other ever could do, Cause not even one in a million, could ever compare to you, Could ever come close to you.

and Cayden says....

~Wonderfully Made~

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

We are in complete love with this little man. He melts my heart. I just want to snuggle him all day every day. Cayden Matthew, you are a dream come true!!!

One Month...

Mommy and daddy can't believe how much you have grown already!

~you are awake a lot more these days!

~you eat every 3 hours during the day

~you wake every 3-5 hours at night to eat

~you stir every 2 hours at night b/c you are uncomfy!!

~you LOVE LOVE LOVE bath time

~you prefer to be held while napping (everyone says you are spoiled!)

~your eyelashes have finally started to come in

~you have baby acne

~mommy heard you coo one time (she can't wait until you are cooing away)

~you like to lay on your tummy at least once a day

~you smile while sleeping (you must be talking to Braxton) (mommy can't wait until you smile at her)

~you and daddy bond at night so mommy can go to bed early

~you melt mommy's heart every minute of every day!

speechless sunday...