Daddy's Dream~Mommy's Miracle

~8 Months~

2012-02-10T20:21:00.000-05:00

I am getting behind!!! Trying to stay above water!!! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!!!

It is crazy to think that in 4 short months these babies will be one!!! We have been covered in snot, diarrhea, puke, and more snot this month! Brock is still trying to fight off this stubborn cold. They take turns on who is going to stay up half the night. I really wish they would choose to do it on the same night...that way I could get a little rest!! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...my motto!

Brock Adam

~ Weighs a little over 16#

~sits up on his own (around 7.5 month mark!)

~expert army crawler/scooter.

~Has a very laid back personality.

~Loves being with mommy.

~The "follower"

~6-9 month clothing

~4 bottles and 2 meals

~Size 3 diapers.

~Size 4 nighttime diaper with a maxi-pad...and still manges to pee through!!

Lynlee Grace

~Weighs around 16#

~6-9mo clothes

~size 3 diaper

~ The "leader"

~LOVES her older brother, follows him everywhere!

~Started taking crawls between scooting...crawling soon!

~Started sitting up around 7.5 months.

~ very independent.

I am really behind on everything, so the post is short! They are keeping me busy!

GIVEAWAY WINNER

2012-01-30T11:23:00.000-05:00

The winner of the DaySpring giveaway is ANITRA.....email me for your gift certificate code. jessedestinybraxton@gmail.com

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”

2012-01-19T10:23:00.001-05:00

I love receiving cards.. the simple thought that someone is thinking of me can make a bad day great! My mom and sister-in-law are great about sending cards for every occasion. My mom sends me random cards just because she loves me. It always seems that I receive a card just when I need to...bad days, sad days, good days...just because days! (God works in mysterious ways!!) Our society has gotten away from handwritten "snail mail." A handwritten card or letter means so much more. Do you send out cards?

After we lost Braxton, we got LOTS of cards. It was the cards that were sent in the weeks and months after the service that meant so much. It just seems like after a memorial service, everyone goes back to everyday life and the loss is somehow lost in the midst. The pain of loss seems to be worse after everything settles. The real reality of the situation can take weeks to sink in, and during those times, a kind word means the most.

I recently received the Simply Marvelous card collection from DaySpring to review. The kind words and sweet verses are amazing. As I was reading through each card, names of friends and family came to mind. I can't wait to sit and write a simple message to brighten a friend's day.

Day to day life can be stressful at times. Do you know someone who could use kind words to cheer them up? Do you know someone who has recently lost a loved one? Why not send them a card with just simple words like "I am thinking of you." It just may make a bad day good!!

Would you like $20 to spend on DaySpring products?? Great...it is a GIVEAWAY. To enter:

1.) Follow my page.

2.) Tell me about a card that you received and how much it meant to you.

3.) Tell me someone you know who could use a "lift me up" card!

I will announce a winner next week!!

*The cards were received for free to review for DaySpring. The opinions are my own.

~7 Months~

2012-01-16T14:14:00.000-05:00

These two miracle babies are growing way to fast! I never realized how "slow" Cayden grew until now. Everyone used to say how little Cayden was, but I had no clue!! Brock is wearing clothes that Cayden wore at 9-12 months!!

~Brock Adam~

*15#6.5oz

*Finally rolled over on December 14.

*Babbles frequently...bababab

*Super ticklish

*Mommy's cuddle bug.

*Started to supported sitting around Christmas.

*Army crawling New Year's.

*Size 3 diaper, Size 4 overnight (this boy can pee!!)

*3-6, 6mo clothes

~Lynlee Grace~

*~15# 3oz

*Started babbling within the last week.

*Started supported sitting around Christmas

*Has a "don't mess with me" attitude!

~Army crawling right after Christmas

*Size 3 diaper

*3-6, 6 mo clothes

I apologize for the shortness of this post, I am just happy that I got it done. I will be posting a bit later on our day to day life. Stay tuned! (That is if I can find time to sit and type!!)

~6 month pictures~

2011-12-29T20:18:00.001-05:00

Picture overload...but I seriously can't get enough of these cuties!!

A great after Christmas deal...

2011-12-28T16:50:00.000-05:00

If you are interested in Thirty One Gifts discounted at 50% you can shop at:

www.thirtyoneoutlet.com/?cid=110989 from into the New Year while supplies last. There are great gift ideas for the entire year!! Happy Shopping!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-26T16:40:00.000-05:00

~millenium farms~

2011-12-16T17:34:00.001-05:00

(post was created in October...just slow to finish!!)
We recently visited a local pumpkin patch. Cayden had so much fun! Thank goodness my little brother and his wife (and their baby) decided to come as well....I wasn't really "prepared" to pick pumpkins with two infants and a toddler!! Who knew you couldn't hold 2 babies, a toddler's hand, and attempt to carry 3 LARGE pumpkins?? What was I thinking?? Regardless of our "full hands," we had a a great day.

A special visit indeed!

2011-12-15T15:40:00.000-05:00

We had some very special visitors last night. Mr. and Mrs. Claus made their first of many (I hope) stops at our house. It was PRICELESS seeing the "light" in Cayden's eyes. The Claus' did an excellent job. They knew just what to say about the things Cayden likes. They sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and talked about Santa's reindeer. Cayden was so excited. It really helped boost the Christmas spirit here. Cayden hasn't stopped talking about Santa. These photos are better than any walgreens, cvs, mall, etc experience ever!! God Bless the Claus'.

~6 Months~

2011-12-10T08:57:00.000-05:00

~Brock Adam~

~14#9oz (4th percentile)

~Likes to be rocked to sleep. Will nap for quite awhile if laid down when sound asleep! (spoiled)

~3-6 month and 6 month clothing (size change 1 wk ago).

~loves to giggle and smile.

~calm and laid back (just like mommy).
~size 2 diaper

~Started solids... (cereal, squash, sweet potatoes, peas, applesauce)
~enjoys having toys in hands.
~Sleeps 8-7:30 (needs pacifier 2-4times).
~started babbling (badababada).

(got so excited, he couldn't shut mouth...ADORABLE!!)

~Lynlee Grace~

~14#6oz(14th percentile)

~Rolled over on November 17!!

~up on knees November 24...watch out world.
~Prefers to not nap very long. About 3 naps a day (2.5hrs total) Will just lay down in bed and fall asleep (praise God...it is hard to rock 2 babies and then successfully lay them down w/o waking one or both!!)
~likes to snuggle.

~3-6 month and 6 month clothing (size change 1 wk ago).

~size 2 diaper

~Started solids....eating champ! (cereal, squash, sweet potatoes, peas, applesauce)

~LOVES excersaucer bouncer!

~very happy when well rested anf fed!

~prefers change in activities (just like daddy and cayden)

~coos and laughs a lot.

~sleeps 8-7:30 (needs pacifier 2-4 times)

(Cayden wore this sweater in his 1 yr pictures...he was so tiny!!)

~A year of BLESSINGS~

2011-11-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

Our family has been so BLESSED this year. Our twins were born on June 2nd. My oldest brother and his wife welcomed my niece, Brielle, on July 21st (10 wks early). AND My youngest brother and his wife welcomed my second niece, Allison, on September 26th. My parents are more than excited about this year of BLESSINGS!! (this photo shoot was HILARIOUS..so I can't help it...I am posting all the photos!)

Quadruplet Cousins???

they LOVE each other!

2011-11-17T16:23:00.000-05:00

My Little "Punkin" Babies...

2011-11-09T14:59:00.000-05:00

Lynlee couldn't have been happier...Brock had just woken up from a nap, so he just wasn't having it...Usually pictures are just the opposite!

~5 Months~

2011-11-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

5 Months...really?? These babies keep us "hoppin." They are absolute blessings. They have started to develop their own personalities, yet they are similiar in so many ways. We have had another rough month dealing with spit-up and feeding issues. Neither one of them are ever comfortable during or after eating. We have a specialist appointment with a Riley Dr this Friday. (We would appreciate prayers that we would get some answers on what may be going on.)

~Brock Adam~

*Approximately 13.5#

*Wears 3mo clothing. Size 2 diapers (3's at night!!)

*Eats 5, 6oz bottles daily.

*Sleeps from 9-6 6-8:30 consistently

*Has recently decided that he needs to be held tight and rocked to sleep for most naps. He also moans/grunts as he is falling asleep (just like his Cayden did!!). It really is hiliarious to listen to him moan himself to sleep.

*He thinks everything is funny.

*He reaches out to hold Lynlee's hand when they are laying close together. He loves being close to her.

* He attempts to hold his own bottle.

* He doesn't like to roll over. He can roll from belly to back, but very rarely.

*Started blowing raspberries.

~Lynlee Grace~

*Approximately 13.3#

*Wears 3mo clothing. Size 2 diapers.

*Eats 5, 6oz bottles daily.

*Sleeps from 9-6 6-8:30 consistently

*She will put herself to sleep for a nap most days.
*She likes to "talk."
*She loves to "crack up laughing." (This is very different than Brock's giggles!)
*She has started really kicking and lifting her feet, but hasn't really found them yet.

*Eats with her hands folded behind her head....super cute!

random ramblings...

2011-10-22T15:33:00.000-04:00

~ My heart has been so full lately. I often look at Cayden playing, Brock swinging, and Lynlee bouncing and wonder "how can I be so blessed?"

~Lynlee has recently started "talking" a lot. She swung in swing for 30 minutes the other day, just talking and laughing to herself. SO ADORABLE.

~Cayden has been talking a lot lately. He still uses one word phrases...but it amazes me that he can tell a story with one word phrases, hand gestures, and facial expressions , and I can understand exactly what he is saying!!

~Jesse has been doing some trucking on the side for the local farmers. He took a Thursday and Friday off a few weeks ago. Cayden went with him all day Thursday. Jesse got up early and left on Friday morning (6:30.) I fed the twins and as I was walking back to our room from the nursery, I noticed a little boy was perched above the bed rails in his room resting his head on his folded arms. I thought if I didn't acknowledge him being up that maybe he would lay back down. No sooner than my head hit the pillow I hear " momma up daddy truckin." I got up and explained that it was way to early to get up and that he could come to bed with me for awhile (he never sleeps with us, so it was pointless.) I closed my eyes and "peeked" at what he was doing laying on my chest. His arms were folded and he was resting his head on them, staring at me. He then poked me gently in the face and said again "momma up daddy truckin me." I called Jesse and put Cayden on the phone "daddy truckin me??" He had the saddest tone in his voice during all these small conversations. It melted Jesse's heart, and the semi was back in minutes to pick up its' passenger!!

~I read "Goldilocks and the three Bears" the other night to Cayden. In an attempt to see if he really pays attention to books, I asked him several questions after I was finished reading. "What happened to baby bear's chair." With a giggle he says "broke." "How did it break?" "oops." "What did the little girl do when she saw the three bears?" He screams and covers his mouth then says "wun" (run)! SO CUTE!

~ I was rocking Lynlee, and Cayden wanted "up" on my lap as well. He climbed up and gently patted her on the back and said "pitty" (pretty.) He then reached up and put both hands around my cheeks "momma pitty." You want to talk about a boy melting my heart. He is growing up so fast!!

~Brock and Lynlee have quickly outgrown their baby bath. I have been rushed for bath times in the last few weeks, so the other night, I put Brock in the bumbo in the tub with Cayden (Thanks Mrs Howard for the idea!) Cayden was so excited!! "Brock bath me Brock bath me" After Brock's bath, I passed him off to Jesse and Lynlee got to join the fun as well!!

~Up until about a week ago, I was getting so frustrated trying to discipline Cayden. He was not at all affected by time outs or spanking. In fact, he would laugh at you for doing either one. (Talk about ROTTEN!) However, this past week, he has been the sweetest, most well behaved little boy. All I have to do when he is misbehaving is ask him if he wants time out or a spank (depending on what he is doing), and he quickly stops misbehaving and says "no no no." He will sometimes offer a hug and "sorree" (sorry) as well.

~Cayden has been repeating and imitating EVERYTHING...watch out mommy and daddy!! I asked him for a kiss the other day....he came running full speed, tongue out and wiggling, and said "momma, daddy kiss!!) Oh my word!!!

~The twins are finally starting to ride in their car seats without crying the entire trip! Hallelujah!!

~Cayden moved up the to the "twos" at church recently. After his first day in the new class, he came running up to me afterwards with a color sheet "ma ma ma" I have dreamed of the "first" drawing for me. I was brought to tears.

I know this post was all over the place, but I want to remember these small conversations and feelings. I have found that as good as I think my memory is, details from a few years ago are already starting to fade!!

A little slice of Heaven outside my picture window.....

2011-10-22T14:56:00.000-04:00

Preface: We had to have our youngest boxer, Nala, euthanized earlier this month. This was a very painful decision that had to be made. The day we said "goodbye" was very rough. I cried A LOT! We told Cayden that Nala was going to go live with Jesus and Bubby (our name for Braxton), and that Bubby would take care of her until we all go to Heaven. *Note...Cayden has never really spoken about Heaven.

The other day, Cayden was playing quietly by himself. He walked past the picture window in our living room, stopped, stared intently for a short while, and continued playing. Several minutes later, he came to me (rocking in recliner in front of window) and said "hold me." He rarely wants to be held (though it has become a daily occurrence lately.) I gladly swept him up and began rocking. He had a very serious look on his face as he continued to stare out the window. I glanced out the window to see if there was a rabbit or cat in the yard, but I saw nothing, so I went back to watching the TV. He probably stared out the window for 2 minutes, and then looked at me and said "lalalala" (Nala.) Our conversation continued like this...

Me: "No honey, remember Nala is in Heaven now."
Cayden: (Pointing out the window and very serious) "mom, Heaven. Bubby"
Me: (very concerned and intrigued) "Where is Heaven?"
Cayden: Pointed out window.
Me: "Do you see Nala and Bubby?" (asking just to see his response.)
Cayden: "Nala tree bubby swing." then looked at me "mama cry"
Me: (tears welling up in eyes) " Is Bubby swinging, and Nala playing?"
Cayden: nodded head "yes" and climbed down to play.

I don't really know if he saw Nala and Braxton, but I am going to hold on to this memory forever. It warms my heart to think that there is a little slice of Heaven right outside my picture window....

Cayden is TWO!

2011-10-07T18:59:00.000-04:00

I know we hear it all the time, but "where has the time gone??" It just seems like yesterday that I went into the operating room filled with anxiety and anxiousness to meet our baby boy. I never imagined the amount of joy that fills my soul from this boy. He is very much ALL BOY!

~ He loves tractors, trucks and trains!

~ He loves to be outside with his daddy.
~ Morning kisses and nighttime moochies are some of mom's favorite things.
~ He is a great big brother!
~ He loves reading books.

" boots on, keys, hat, truck!" He thinks he is ready to go!!!

~ He will imitate just about anything... hooking tractor up to equipment, "fixing" things, and even peeing like daddy (yes, he dropped diaper and peed on floor while dad was going!!!)
~ He has finally started talking A LOT. He has one two-word phrase that he says numerous times a day..."boots on." Like I said, loves to be like daddy. He just started saying "daddy truckin" too.

~ He sleeps in a big boy bed. Usually 11 hours a night and a 2 hour nap. (Yes, he removed diaper and fell asleep!!)
~ Pretty good eater.
~ 18 and 24mo clothing.
~ Size 4 diaper
~ 27.9lbs and 31.5in

~He has recently showed interested in dressing himself...and undressing!!

We just love this little guy to pieces. God truly blessed us! Happy Birthday Cayden Matthew!

Twins' first camping trip!

2011-10-07T16:45:00.000-04:00

Yes, call us crazy. We decided to take a camping trip when the twins were a little over 2 months old. They were in full colic mode as well! We borrowed a RV for the weekend and went camping with my parents.

We were able to take Cayden out on my dad's boat while grandma watched the twins...Cayden loved the water. He took a long nap in the beating sun...I kept reapplying sunscreen every 30 minutes!!

It really stormed hard the second night, so we had movie night in our camper.

We didn't do a whole lot, but it was a nice weekend getaway.

~4 months~

2011-10-07T15:57:00.000-04:00

What a difference a month makes. Brock and Lynlee are happy babies now!! They are both sleeping in their own cribs in the nursery now (9/16/11). They both sleep 9-6, eat, sleep 6-9 (I know, I am BLESSED!!) Both babies are big happy spit-uppers. We go through lots of clothing and sheets. They had their first overnight stay at Papaw and Nana's (9/3/11 with big brother Cayden. I can't even begin to tell you how full our hearts are. Individual Stats....

Brock Adam

~ We call him "Mr. Personality." He loves to smile, giggle, and FLIRT!

~Nickname: Brock-a- baby, brother bear.

~Eats 4.5- 5 ounces 5 times/day. He would rather flirt than eat.
~Rolled over on 9/26/11 belly to back.

~0-3, 3 month clothing

~Size 1 diaper
~ 12lbs 8 oz 23in (nearly 2 pounds heavier than Cayden at this age:()

Lynlee Grace

~Recently started cooing A LOT!

~Nickname: sister susie, inwee (Cayden's pronunciation!), pretty girl

~Eats 4.5-5 ounces 5/day She is a great eater!
~Rolled over on 9/24/11 belly to back.

~NB, 0-3 clothing

~Size 1 diaper
~12lbs 3oz 22.2in

PS..I was very shocked that they were so close in weight...she seems much tinier than him. Also sad that they are nearly 2lbs heavier than Cayden was at this age. Where are my babies going??

Zoo Trip

2011-10-07T10:17:00.000-04:00

We took Cayden to the Indianapolis Zoo on September 23. I woke him up and got him all excited about going. We quickly dressed, grabbed some milk and a breakfast bar and headed out the door. We were five minutes from the zoo, when Jesse and I heard a gagging sound in the backseat. I turned around just in time to see projectile vomit coming towards me. We quickly made a turnaround and headed for a local Meijer (had to call sis-in-law to help us find one.) Cayden puked again prior to getting to Meijer. I kept asking him if he was ok, and he kept saying yes. He was covered in puke, his car seat was saturated, and our car potent! I stripped him down and ran into Meijer to get new clothes. Jesse completely disassembled car seat.....he had to take the seat to the garden department and hose it out!! After Cayden was dressed in new clothes...he was like a new kid. He was as happy as could be while jumping all over my car and saying "zoo, zoo, zoo." Jesse and I assumed that the rush start to the morning, milk, and motion in car attributed to the sickness.

We headed back towards zoo, and the rest of the day was WONDERFUL. Cayden was particularly fond of feeding the ducks and giraffes. In fact, we had to go thru the giraffe feeding line TEN times. The trainer gave us three bonus sweet potato bites the last time thru. She said that she hadn't ever had a kid go thru that many times!!! We got several videos of him feeding the giraffe (I will attempt to upload one!!)

Despite our crazy start to the day....we enjoyed our time with our big boy!!

~The Party~

2011-10-06T17:47:00.000-04:00

I can't believe Cayden turned TWO this past week. We had his party over the weekend, and he had so much fun. We had a construction themed party this year. Cayden loves all things boy, so the party theme was a perfect fit for him.

~Invites~

~ Party Here!!~

~Goodie Bag~

~Fill Dirt~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAYDEN MATTHEW!!

Blogger to do list:

2011-10-05T10:36:00.000-04:00

I have so much blogging to do...( I blog so our family will have a record of memories!) I intend to start blogging about more things, but you see, life with three children is very BUSY!!! I also intend to print out my blog in photobooks (great Christmas idea!!) I have been trying for the last two days to upload photos, and it is taking FOREVER to upload...anyone else experiencing this?? Advice??

Blogger to do list:

~ 4th of July
~First Camping Trip
~Zoo trip
~Two Years Old
~Birthday Party
~4 months old
~Random Picture Post
~Things I Love

I have a lot to do.

just because... they melt my heart!

2011-09-26T13:46:00.000-04:00

~3 Months~

2011-09-06T22:20:00.000-04:00

As I am writing this post...I am holding my breath. The twins have been completely different babies over the past 48 hours. We have seen little improvements over the past 2 weeks. We are finally breathing and ENJOYING this life. I am sad to say that they babies are on all formula now (I just couldn't keep up.) We have used up over 200 bags of frozen milk (I think 36 remain.) We are trying a few different formulas...hoping to find one that will lessen their spit-up. I have spent most of the last month at home snuggling all my babies. I am looking forward to getting out a little more this month!!

Brock Adam

~ I think I weigh around 10lbs (mom might update this later.)

~ I am eating 4oz every 4 hours and 5 oz before bed.

~I sleep from 9-5 eat then 6-830.

~I still love to be swaddled at night and during naps.

~ I am not a fan of the car seat!

~I wear newborn clothing (it is getting tight...send mom a memo!)

~Size 1 diapers.

~ I have started to show my personality...love to smile, laugh, and grin!!

~ I like to cuddle with my sister.

Lynlee Grace

~I am a HAPPY girl these days!

~I weight around 9lbs.

~I eat 4 oz every 4 hours and 5oz before bed.

~I sleep 9-5 eat then 6-830.

~Newborn clothing

~Size 1 diapers

~ I really don't like the car seat either.

~ I love to be swaddled at night and during naps.

~Recently started to like my swing.

~I also love to cuddle with my "brother bear."

Did you notice all the similarities...think we might be TWINS??!!

A Vessel

2011-08-23T21:46:00.000-04:00

It was my prayer yesterday for God to use me as a vessel that would touch and change lives that have been or are affected by infertility and/or infant loss. Jesse and I were asked to be special guests on a taping of "The Praise the Lord Show" for our local TBN tv channel. I was very hesitant and nervous about following God's request. I talked the opportunity over with Jesse and decided that it was the right thing to do.

Believe me when I say that the night before was a sleepless night. I thought about all the things I wanted to say. I also prayed that if we couldn't find the words in the moment that God would just speak through us. I had Bible verses that I wanted to use to convey our message and story. I had advice for those who are currently experiencing a broken heart. I had words of wisdom for couples discouraged by months of failed cycles. I had it all thought out the way I thought it should flow. Either I forgot what I wanted to say or God changed what I was going to say.

I wanted to use words like; hope, grace, blessed. Phrases like; "We stood in God's strength while we were weak," "You can give up the fight and rest, but be sure your at God's feet when you do," "God will carry you through," and "God will restore your joy." I had bible verses that stood out to me during our trials (Ephesians 3:20, Isaiah 41:10, Philippians 4:6-7, Matthew 21:22, Joel 2:25, Isaiah 61:3).

Those who will watch this episode that will air on October 21 on Indianapolis Local TBN will not hear the words, phrases, and verses that I have mentioned. Instead they will hear a heartfelt personal account of the events and trials that shape who we are today.

I left the interview questioning whether or not we said the right things or answered all the questions the way we should have. In fact I laid in bed last night thinking of everything I meant to say but didn't. As I woke up this morning, I thought to myself "what really helped you during your trials?...Was it constantly hearing bible verses or hearing phrases like the ones mentioned above that made all the difference?" The answer is "no." Hearing stories of what God has done and seeing couples "live again" was what kept me going.

So, you won't get a rehearsed speech using God phrases, but rather a very real picture of a family that leaned on God when they couldn't stand on their own, a family that turned to God when giving up would have been easier, a family that has truly been blessed beyond measure. I hope that looking at us is enough to see that God is alive in our hearts and He is the reason we have made it through.

To God be all the Glory!!

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

~milk maid monday~

2011-08-15T00:10:00.001-04:00

I remember as a young child going to our neighbors dairy farm. I thought it was the neatest thing; watching the cows getting attached to pumps. I could watch for hours. I also loved watching the milk pump into big tanks, and after a few hours you could see the separation of the milk fat. We would visit on days when the large tanker trucks would come haul the milk away to be processed for sell.

Well folks, I am pretty sure I am running my own dairy farm here in my home. Yes, I feel like a dairy cow on most days. I attach myself to a pump several times a day, and I watch as milk pumps into bottles. I also watch as it seperates in my refrigerator. So call it what you want..... moo-moo monday, milk making, monday, mommy milk monday, or milk maid monday...it is all happening here!!!

I have nearly 200 bags of frozen milk!! These won't last long, because we are now using them and not restocking...I can't keep up with the babies' increased feedings.

Have a "moo-velous" week!

ABSOLUTELY ALL BOY

2011-08-13T13:31:00.001-04:00

Life around here is pretty crazy....and I LOVE it (most days!!) Cayden gets ornerier everyday. He really gets into things when I am rocking or feeding both babies. He has figured out that my hands are full...and he can probably get away with doing things he shouldn't. Here are just a few of the things that he has been up to...

* Stomping in the dog water.

* Stacking toys and climbing into the pack-n-play to jump around.

* Getting filthy dirty with daddy.

* Climbing onto kitchen table.
* Pooping on floor (didn't get picture...but wish I would have!!)
* Climbing onto toy box and then into changing table with Brock (for Brock's safety, I had to skip on taking this picture as well!)
* "Bopping" babies over the head with any toy that is handy.
* Pulling laptop off couch, opening, and then opening everything possible!

* Making a crazy mess with all his books and toys. (He is using his popcorn popper as a "jack" for his four-wheeler...he has seen daddy "jack" things up in the garage...and I found him doing this the other day...SMART BOY!!)

He is definitely ALL BOY. I find myself falling more in love with him everyday, despite his ornery side. I never knew my heart could be filled with such joy and love for one little boy. My heart will be exploding when the twins get this age (or I will be insane!!) I can't help but say "It may be a crazy life...but it is our life!" hehe

Creating Memories...

2011-08-11T16:38:00.000-04:00

I was so good about taking pictures (LOTS) of Cayden. I think I took more than 20/day when he was little. I find myself staring at the twins thinking "this would make an awesome picture." However, the camera is to far away, I don't want to wake them up, or I am holding both and can't get up!! I captured so many "memories" on camera or video with Cayden. The twins are growing so fast, and I want to be sure to some how keep the memory of the baby stage alive...if only in pictures. I recently made two photobooks of the twins' pictures. I used shutterfly's new custom feature to make one of them. It turned out fabulous. It was a photobook of my pregnancy journal and their birth. I also ordered a photomug for my dad with the kid on it. I now have a stack of 200 prints that I need to get into photo albums...(something I was good at with Cayden's photos)..but I know these will stay in a large stack for now!

Click here to view this photo book larger

I have been thinking a lot about Cayden's 2nd birthday party (Can you believe it is only 2 months away!!!) I need to get out and take some pictures for his invitations. I have 50 free cards to order from Shutterfly, so I need to get busy!!

“Have your own blog? Register for a chance for a free photo book from Shutterfly http://goo.gl/K5hUC” on your Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and other social media.

A little Big Brother love!!

2011-08-11T16:21:00.000-04:00

~I would never..~

2011-08-09T16:36:00.000-04:00

~ I would never wear the same pajamas that have been peed and puked on two nights in a row..and all day long!

~ I would never use a diaper (clean) as a burp cloth..because all the burp cloths are dirty!

~ I would never express my breastmilk in a bathroom stall..because I forgot to take my pump to town with me!

~ I would never admit that my toddler pooped on the floor and that the dogs commenced to eating it!

~ I would never allow my husband to place Cayden's new playset outside our living room picture window..and then watch said boy cry and scream for hours wanting to go "ou..si" (outside).

~ I would never allow my newborn son to make it a habit that he sleeps on my chest from 3am-6am...every night!!!

~ I would never laugh at the site of a carseat full of runny poop and a daughter that is covered in that same runny poop. (This never happened, especially not at a restaurant during lunch time!)

~And I would never really consider just putting a blanket over above situation and driving home to clean it up.

~sweet sweet (corn) sunday~

2011-08-07T16:26:00.002-04:00

~2 Months~

2011-08-03T17:57:00.003-04:00

Another month has come and gone. This month was a bit rough. Both babies have been diagnosed with all day colic! It started out being an evening only thing, but quickly progressed to being all day. We tried EVERYTHING...gripe water, probiotics, chiropractor, car rides, running sweeper or dryer, gas drops, warm compresses to belly, swinging, bouncing.... The only thing that works is holding them very closely while swaddled. Let me remind you that I have a 22 month old, so holding and rocking two babies all day (while this sounds wonderful) is IMPOSSIBLE. I have a few great friends and family members that have spent a few days with me rocking babies! I took Lynlee back to pediatrician a week ago because she was crying and screaming all day...much more than mommy knew was normal for a colicky baby. He had me take her off breastmilk, and we started her on Nutramigen. We did a week long trial, and I am happy (that stuff is EXPENSIVE) and sad to report that it didn't help. She was puking way more on that than on breastmilk. Brock has gotten much better, and I know that Lynlee won't be far behind. These days won't last forever, and I welcome their cries, because afterall...I missed out on so many with Braxton. Now for individual updates!!

Brock Adam

~I weigh 8#3oz, 21in long!
~I now take Zantac to help with my reflux.
~Mommy placed me on my belly for a little tummy time and when she returned to the room....I was on my back!!! I rolled over on July 25. (I haven't done it again, so mommy isn't sure to count it or not??)
~I have been full of smiles the last few days. Here is a pic of one of my firsts!

~I eat 3 oz every 3 hours during the day. I have been sleeping anywhere from 6-9 hours at night.
~I am wearing newborn clothing and newborn diapers.

Lynlee Grace

~I weigh 7#3oz and 20.5in.
~No more Apnea Monitor and caffeine free!!!!
~I eat 3oz every 3 hours during the day, and I sleep 6-9 hours at night!!

~I wear newborn clothes and diapers.
~I was on my belly on the floor on Aug 1, and when mommy came back to check on me...I was on my back!!
~I have shown a few smiles, but I like to keep them for very special times.
~I have been really uncomfortable this month, so all I want is to be held.

(this is what she looks like this month...if she isn't being held! poor baby..)

I would never...

2011-07-21T13:06:00.000-04:00

~ I would never let my babies share pacifiers.

~I would never dress Lynlee in Brock's sleepers or vice versa.

~I would never put my toddler to bed filthy dirty.

~I would never accidently forget to change my toddler's diaper until he was peeing down is leg because the diaper was saturated...two times..two days in a row.

~I would never pump breastmilk while driving down the road.

~I would never use a used napkin as a nursing pad.

~I would never reuse a bottle without sanitizing.

~I would never be confused on which baby was sleeping on me in the middle of the night.

~I would never go all day without eating.

~I would never eat ice cream everyday for 6 straight weeks!

~The simple things~

2011-07-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

From the time I found out that I was pregnant with Braxton (and years leading up to the pregnancy,) I dreamt of all the things I wanted to do with our first baby. As the pregnancy neared the end, I had every day planned out in my mind. I had the first year jammed packed with dreams. As you know, those dreams never came to fruition. So, there are things that I do with Cayden that are so bittersweet. The first stroller walk with a baby in the stroller, our first beach trip in Florida, walking through a store and stopping so everyone could see him, church dedication, swimming lessons, first swim in the lake. Even the smallest, almost unnoticeable "things" meant so much to me. Watching his little fingers reach up through his carseat cover, smiles in the morning, every new thing, his little voice, etc.

Last week I was able to experience one of my "dreams" with Cayden. I couldn't wait until the day that I could take our baby to the local water park and watch him/her splash through the water. Well, Cayden and I went and had a blast. Yes, I know it doesn't seem like much, but the entire day, I was on cloud nine!! Here are a few pics of Cayden enjoying the day!

(The last picture is actually of him getting ready to go to the lake...but I couldn't resist posting it too!!)

~current conditions~

2011-07-15T15:57:00.000-04:00

Yes, they are all sleeping!! I don't know what to do with myself. Thank you Jesus for three sleeping babies!!!

~one month~

2011-07-03T22:13:00.001-04:00

WOW, I am really shocked that an entire month has passed. It just doesn't seem like that long...I suppose the extended NICU stay makes our time at home seem shorter.

~Brock Adam~

~ I weigh approximately 6.5-7 lbs.

~ I eat 2.5oz every 4 hours.

~I usually sleep between feedings, but I like to wake up 30 minutes before it's time to eat.

~I am pretty alert and big eyed when I am awake.

~I wear preemie clothes (today is the last day for that) and newborn diapers.

~Lynlee Grace~

~ I weigh 6lbs.

~I eat 2oz every 4 hours.

~I sleep a lot, but I like to be awake for a little while after my afternoon feeding.

~I wear preemie clothes and newborn diapers.

~I am finally off of my caffefine, and praying that my monitor will be gone in a few weeks.

~I showed my first smile on July 2!

~Twinkies~

2011-06-24T13:12:00.000-04:00

We had newborn pictures taken yesterday. It really amazes me how much the twins' personalities are just like they were in the womb. Remember how I used to journal how I hardly ever felt Lynlee move....well, she is still the same way. She sleeps a lot and when she is awake, she is very calm and laid back. Brock was constantly moving in the womb, and I don't think he slept much. He is the same way now! Here is a sneek peek .

2011-06-19T18:18:00.000-04:00

"He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers." Malachi 4:6

Happy Father's Day to the most amazing husband and daddy. I don't tell you enough how blessed and thankful we are to have you in our lives. I couldn't ask for a better daddy for our children. We love you and appreciate all that you do for our family. May God bless you in all that you do!

~Thankful Thursday~

2011-06-16T15:29:00.000-04:00

"Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have enough room for it." Mal 3:10

~SPRINGING into summer~

2011-06-15T13:16:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that spring is nearly over and summer is here! We have been so busy with the birth of the twins that the outside world has been veiled from us. However, I know that graduation parties are being planned and held. If you haven't already sent your invites, consider using Shutterfly for all your Graduation Invitation needs. Congrats to all you grads out there!!

I am busy planning a baby shower for BOTH of my sister-in-laws. Yes, they both are expecting....3 days apart! I am using the Shutterfly Baby Shower Invitations to bring in the crowd to "shower" the mommies! We are planning on having a luncheon and double baby shower. I can't wait to meet my new NIECES!

Can you believe July Forth is right around the corner. Do you have plans? We always go camping at Raccoon Lake, but the last two years the Fireworks have been rained out :( We will probably go down for the day, but I don't think I am ready to camp with three babes just yet!! If you are having a Forth Celebration, you might be interested in checking out the Invitations that Shutterfly offers...there are some really cool ones!!

Do you blog? Sign up for a chance at a free photo book from Shutterfly.

Shutterfly has some really nice products. Check them out!

NICU Day 11

2011-06-14T13:25:00.000-04:00

Monday June 13, 2011

Our nurse called around 8:30 this morning to tell us that we could do CPR training at 1:30 today. Lynlee has been alarm free again since Saturday morning, and she has been eating wonderfully. We were told that CPR training would last 2 hours, and we were done in 20 minutes. Jesse suggested that I call and see if we could move up on monitor training to today instead of tomorrow. I called and they had a cancellation, so I was able to get trained at 4 today!!! They hooked Lynlee to the home monitor along with the hospital monitor for two hours and then we got the ok to go HOME!!!!! Yes, you read that right, we are home now! Isn't it ironic that today is the day we would have delivered had I made it this far.....I wonder what the first 1.5 would have been like without NICU visits? Praising God that we are all home together now.

Lynlee: 4#15oz

NICU Day 10

2011-06-14T09:30:00.000-04:00

Sunday June 12, 2011

Miss Lynlee was alarm free all night. They did start her on a bolus of caffeine last night. We should hear something from the apnea monitor supplier on Monday as far as getting trained. We also have to learn CPR on Monday or Tuesday, and then she can come home!!

Brock slept pretty decent for his first night home. He didn't fall asleep until after his midnight feeding though. We were back up at 4 and 8 too. I forgot how the little grunts and squeeks keep me awake! He has been eating like a champ (though Lynlee has been eating even better!)

NICU Day 9

2011-06-11T17:01:00.000-04:00

Saturday June 11, 2011

Today didn't go as planned. After 60 hours of no alarms, Lynlee had 2 alarms 2 hours prior to discharge. I am heartbroken, yet thankful that she alarmed at the hospital where we knew what she was doing. She is actually feeding like a champ (better than her brother.) The Dr said he would start her on caffefine and order an apnea monitor that we would go home with early next week. I have requested that they hold off on caffefine until Monday...hoping that she doesn't alarm any more. If we start caffefine, then we have to go home with a monitor. However, we can start caffefine the day she is discharged, so that is why I want to wait and see how she does the rest of today and tomorrow. I am being hopeful and praying that God does a great work in her body. Brock was discharged today around 1. It was bittersweet walking out with one baby and not the other. I was nervous about what Cayden would think as well. Well, he quickly learned a new word, and he didn't stop saying it until we got home. "Brock, Brock, Brock" (sounds like bock bock bock. He giggled and pointed at Brock the entire way home. I was starving, so Brock's first outing was to Pizza Hut! He slept the entire time.

NICU Day 8

2011-06-11T16:37:00.000-04:00

Friday June 10, 2011

Today was a good day. Lynlee is still alarm free. We were told today that both babies could come home tomorrow as long as things were the same when Dr arrives tomorrow. It is amazing how much more alert that they are. Their suck is so much better now too. Yea! for growing babies.

Weights: Brock 5#1oz

Lynlee 4#11oz

NICU Day 7

2011-06-10T12:38:00.002-04:00

( I am aware that there are probably lots of grammatical and spelling errors in my blog posts. I am just trying to stay caught up on the days...forgive me!)

Thursday June 9, 2011

The morning feedings went really well. When I arrived this morning, I received good reports on both babies. Lynlee hadn't alarmed since 7:45 last night. Both babies ate well for me all day. They were both a bit tired during the 1 o'clock feeding but were still able to get it all down. Brock passed his hearing and carseat test today as well. These are tests that they do right before dismissing a baby from NICU...so crossing my fingers that he will be home soon. Lynlee went all day with no alarms!!! This was our best day so far....praying that tomorrow goes the same way.

Weights: Brock 4#15oz
Lynlee 4#9oz

NICU Day 6

2011-06-09T11:36:00.000-04:00

Wednesday June 8, 2011

Today was a stressful day for me. The 1 and 4 am feedings went well for Brock. However, he would hardly wake up for the 7, 10, and 1 feedings. It took the entire 1/2 hr that he is given to finish his bottle. He struggled to finish the last 10 oz on all three bottles. Dr said that he has to be alert and eating well before we can start the 48 discharge countdown. Lynlee didn't have any alerts all night and up until 10am. She alarmed 2 twice during mid-morning, and then had a really low saturation around 3. She turned an ugly blue grey color that brought back so many memories to me of Braxton.

So many of you have kindly asked how I am doing after surgery and the emotional toll of juggling caring for 3 babies in two locations. I am doing ok. I have hit the emotional stage of hormone swings, so I cry at random times! I was physically and emotionally drained after the 4 o'clock feeding, so I had to make myself come home for the day. As I type, I am debating whether or not to go to the 10 o'clock feeding tonight....I really could just take a pain pill and go to bed (7:45pm.)

I did end up staying in for the evening. I went to bed at 9:30...it was nice. Both babies did well all night!!!

Weights: Brock 4#14oz
Lynlee 4#8oz

(They are doing very well on weight...the hospital uses the metric system, so they are actually gaining grams...just not oz yet!)

NICU Day 5

2011-06-08T12:42:00.000-04:00

Tuesday June 7, 2011

The babies had an excellent early morning. I manage to get up throughout the morning hours and call to check on them after every feeding. They fed well all day today. Feeding tubes have been removed. Brock is now in an open isolette!!! He has maintained his temp since the "top was popped!" We keep telling him that he is in a convertible now!! I gave Brock a bath tonight, and watched Lynlee get hers. They are just like big brother...LOVE warm water! Praying for a good night and good reports in the morning. Lynlee only had two alarms today, so hoping the medicines are starting to work.

Weights: Brock 5#1oz
Lynlee 4#8oz

NICU Day 4

2011-06-07T10:07:00.001-04:00

Monday June 6, 2011

Today has been the best so far! Lynlee started the day off with 3 alarms, but she recovered quickly and only ended the day with 4 or 5. Both babies ate like champs....feeding tube was not needed today! The Dr agreed that if they continued the great feeds throughout the day and through the night, then the tubes could be removed. Brock will then work on maintaining good temps, and if he can maintain for a few days...he will be homeward bound. Lynlee still has a bit more time before we will be able to bring her home. Jesse and I were at the hospital during the day and came home in the evening to have dinner with Cayden. He was so excited to actually have us home with some normalcy. After Cayden went to bed, Jesse and I went back up for their late night feeding.

Weights: Brock 4#14oz

Lynlee 4#8oz

NICU Day 1- Day 3

2011-06-06T15:04:00.000-04:00

Friday June 3, 2011

We woke up after a short nights sleep to go spend time with our babies. We were told on their birth night that they would only be observed for 24 hours and then they would get to go to my room. They were breathing room air, eating, and do EXCELLENT! Within the first 3 hours of visiting them this morning, Lynlee had a desaturation that went very low. She turned a very dusky color, and scared me to death. That was the first problem that either of them encountered, however it was enough that they were admitted into the NICU for a stay. During the day both did well feeding. The only problem was that Lynlee had a few desats. Later in the day, Brock started to have a few problems eating, but still just under observation.

Weights: Brock 4#15 oz
Lynlee 4#13 oz

Saturday June 4, 2011

Babies did well today with temp control and eating. Lynlee is still having episodes of desaturation, but remaining stable. The Dr has reassured us that we have two very healthy babies that are "just acting their age." Both babies were very tired after the 10 o'clock feeding, and we left the NICU that evening unsure of how things might be through the night.

Weights: Brock 4#15.6oz

Lynlee 4#11oz

Sunday June 5, 2011

I woke up to call the NICU around 2:15 this morning to check on the babies. Our nurse informed me that both were extrememly tired and only ate about 1/3 of their feedings, so she had to place feeding tubes in both. She also reported that Lynlee was not only having desaturations, but that she had also had a two Brady (dips in heartrate) episodes. I was more than a mess. I woke Jesse up and had him wheel me to the NICU. The nurse didn't even attempt to wake them for the 4 o'clock feeding...she let them rest as she fed them through their tubes. Brock woke up for his 7 o'clock feeding, but Lynlee slept through it again. I feel like we take one step forward and three steps back. God has been so good, and I KNOW he will continue to strengthen my babies. I prayed with both of them prior to their 10 o'clock morning feeding, and they did excellent... As a matter of fact, Brock only needed the tube once during the day. Lynlee was feeding all by bottle the rest of the day. Today was bittersweet, because I was released and had to leave the hospital empty handed. However, this time time I knew my babies were still there and that they were in the best hands.

Weights: Brock 4#15oz

Lynlee 4#9oz

~Delivery Day~

2011-06-05T15:17:00.000-04:00

June 2, 2011

Dr finally came into the triage room and explained that with my pain and the high fetal heart rates, he was concerned about a possible placental abruption or deterioration. He explained the he thought delivery was the safest for both me and the babies at this point. We called our family and waited patiently until my morning pancakes had digested. We arrived at the hospital around 10, and they nurses started to prep me for surgery around 3.

Jesse and I were both very nervous about the babies and the possible problems that we might face with them being born early. I was wheeled back to the operating room at 3:30. The spinal was administered, but from the very start, I felt like it wasn't working like it should. It took 24 minutes for the spinal to take effect, and I was still very hesitant about feeling more than I felt with Cayden's delivery. The anesthesiologist was certain it had taken effect and surgery was started. I could feel A LOT of pressure and pulling. I could also feel my fingers moving around inside me ( TO MUCH FEELING FOR ME.) I started to panic just a little, but I kept telling myself that I was going to deal with it, because seeing my babies was much more important to me.

Brock Adam was born first at 4:13pm weighing in at 5 # 20z and 18 1/4in. He started crying right away. Lynlee Grace was born at 4:14 weighing 4# 14oz and 18 3/4 in. She also cried right away. I was able to see them both...and I don't remember much after that. I started to really feel more of the surgery, so the anesthesiologist put me out with some really good nerve medicine, and I woke up in recovery shortly after the surgery was over.

Lynlee Grace

Brock Adam

Both babies were taken to NICU for observation. I was able to go right over and see them, and they were absolutely precious. The NICU observation turned into a stay...so I will start a NICU Journal to document their progress.

Our Twin Pregnancy: Month 9

2011-06-05T12:05:00.000-04:00

f~Week 33~

Well I started off the week have 4-5 contractions/hr. I called the Dr and they advised me to rest. The next day the contractions picked up and were a bit more frequent and intense (not painful...just very noticeable.) Contractions scare me, and it really sends my mind back to labor with Braxton. I called the Dr's office and he was out of town. The on-call Dr said she would feel better if I went into the hospital for some monitoring. I was contracting every 5-8 minutes. They checked me, and I was 60% effaced and about 1 cm dialated. I got a shot of Terb that got the contractions stopped. The contractions resumed about 8 hours later, but they have not been as consistent. My weekly appointment on Tuesday went well. We had another US, and the babies are looking great. US predicted that each baby weighs 4lbs 2oz. They are both measuring right on target. Dr. checked me, and I am still dialated the same. He said he wants to see me get to 35 weeks, and then we will talk about delivering (I will be holding him to that!) I have gained 37lbs (watching me get off the couch is a sight!) Glad that both babies are doing well.

~Week 34~

This week started with a terrible cold. I spent the entire week inside on the couch! The mystery pain was back in full force all week as well. Sunday and Monday were really great feeling days (despite the nasal congestion.) We had our Dr's appointment this week and everything was really good. I lost 1/2lb, good blood pressure, and no swelling!! Brock and Lynee both had strong heartbeats. The appointment went so well that our hopes of meeting them next week may be out of sight. I don't think we can convince Dr to deliver quite yet. The fears and memories of Braxton's birth have started to creep in, and I have been praying against them. We got a lot done this week in preparation for the babies (I should say Jesse got a lot done!!!) I feel so guilty watching him work, but I was unable to do anything this week... Here is part of the "to-do" list...I marked out what he did this week!!!

~~~Shampoo our bedroom carpets.~~

~~~Move furniture out of Cayden's new room into our room.~~

~~~Clean living room carpets.~~

~~~Clean couch~~

~~~Get out newborn boy clothes that were Cayden's..~~

~~~Get Cayden's new room cleaned out.~~

~~~Hang border in newly remodeled bathroom.~~

~~~Weed-eat and clean Braxton's Place.~~

~~~Last minute shopping for a few girl things.~~

My mom and I went shopping for pj's for me and new baby books for the twins. I was so thankful that we found just what we needed in one store....I was nervous about having to walk the mall! Mom has helped me A LOT in the past few weeks with cleaning, watching Cayden, and preparing for the babies. As this week comes to a close, I feel pretty good. However, if you would have talked to me early in the week...well, that is a different story!! Week 35 here we come!

~Week 35~

Well we started the week with an unexpected trip to the Dr. I was having some blood pressure issues. I think my blood pressure monitor at home may be a bit off...bc my BP wasn't as high when I got to the office. Dr sent me to hospital anyway to have a non-stress test and BP monitoring. They sent me home to be on bedrest until my next appointment on Tuesday. I am having a difficult time not "looking into" any little thing that seems different from my end of pregnancy feelings with the boys. I feel much different....very uncomfortable and sore. I feel like someone has broken every finger and toe on my body! I dont' remember being sore with the boys. It is official...I can't reach my own toes, can't bend over, etc. Had our official 35 week ultrasound, and I have gained 5lbs in 4 days!! My feet are super swollen and the pain in my side is pretty much there all the time. I asked Dr today if we could deliver next week, but no real answer...so we shall see. Moving on to Week 36!

~ Extremely swollen feet!~

~ Week 36~ (Note: When I start writing about the week...it is the beginning of that particular week....so week 36 journal is started at 35 weeks 1 day.)

Today I woke up in lots of pain (abdominal and back) and very uncomfortable swollen legs and feet. I had my husband call the Dr's office and they told him to bring me to the labor and delivery at the hospital. They got me attached to monitors to see how the babies were doing. Immediately I noticed that their heartrates were falling between 180 and 210. They have ALWAYS been between 120 and 150. The nurse called the Dr to report what was going on. Lab came in and took bloodwork and the nurse started IV. We still hadn't heard from Dr about what is plan was, but it was looking like a delivery was in my future. The pregnancy journey will end here at 35 weeks and 1 day.

~quick mid-month update~

2011-05-16T20:34:00.000-04:00

We had our 33 week US and appointment today. Both babies are doing very well. Mommy is hanging in there! I was sent to the hospital late last week to have contractions stopped. I am currently 60% effaced and 1cm dialated. Dr. told me today that he just wants me to see 35 weeks. If I am doing ok then, he might push me a little further, but he would be happy to get to 35 weeks and deliver. I am a mixed ball of emotions about it all. Prayers for 2.5 more weeks of "baking" are greatly appreciated. We are so thankful that they babies are doing well. God is GREAT!!!

Brock Adam

Brock Adam (looks just like Caydens 32 wk US pic!)

Lynlee Grace (blowing kisses)

Lynlee Grace

~Our Twin Pregnancy: Month 8~

2011-05-10T21:35:00.000-04:00

I have been horrible about keeping track of dates and such this month. I haven't felt the best, and it seems that time is getting away from me. We finished our kitchen remodel, and the bathroom is almost finished. We haven't even started on baby prepping yet.

At our 29 week appointment I was measuring 34 weeks. Dr said his goal was to see us hit the 32 week mark. I started seeing a PT to help with the muscular spasms and pain at 29 weeks as well. I felt really good for about 5 days, but then the pain came back in full force. Luckily it is worse at night, so I am able to get some things accomplished during the day. I had some days of dizziness and nausesness around 30 weeks.

It wasn't hard to spot this Easter Egg on Easter!!

At our 31 week appt I was measuring 39 weeks!!! Yes, I feel like a full term momma! I have officially gained 30lbs. Both babies had good strong heartbeats on the US. Brock and Lynlee were both practicing their breathing at this appointment as well!!!

I can't believe how I can feel excellent one day and the next I am a complete mess. I am so thankful for the "good"days. The bad days are rough, but I am still extremely thankful and blessed to be carrying these babies. I wouldn't trade the pain for anything (not even early delivery.) I want Brock and Lynlee to be HEALTHY. I don't want to see them hooked to tubes and wires....the thought just really scares me. We made it to 32 weeks (our Dr's goal!) I can't believe that we will meet them in 5 weeks!!!

Pregnancy symptoms: Sleepless/ uncomfortable nights, swollen feet at night, sore muscles/joints in morning, heartburn, crazy left abdominal and back pain.
Cravings: Famous Amos Cookies (I eat A LOT of them!!!) Chick-Fil-A milkshakes.

~Life as a Mommy~

2011-04-29T10:15:00.000-04:00

There isn't a more rewarding job in the entire world. I had a lot of dreams and expectations about being a mom, but Cayden has far exceeded them all. He makes everyday joyful! I also know that having Braxton has made me "enjoy" motherhood even more. There are so many things that may seem little to others, but they mean so much to me. With Mother's Day approaching I find myself with mixed emotions. I want to be able to say that life couldn't be better, but I would be lying. Life would be complete with Braxton here.   We will attempt to go to church this year...the past few years have been rough. To add to those years, last year we spent in the ER!!! Praying that this year will be full of excitement and not disappoint.

What do you do for Mother's Day? What do you get your mom? Shutterfly has some great Mother's Day gifts that can be personalized just for your mother. The photo flip notebooks are great to keep in purses.

I have also seen great deals on their Mother's Day cards. A personalized photo card always means so much.   I try to make photo cards for family members as often as I can.

Last year for Father's Day, I made a daddy photo brag book. This year, Shutterfly has some cute Mommy Photobooks!!! I would love my own bragbook!!!

I encourage you to check out the great deals and quality at http://www.shutterfly.com/ . If you are a fellow blogger, you can blog about shutterfly and enjoy 50 FREE 5 x 7 photocards (visit http://www.shutterflycards.com/2011/03/spring-announcements-with-shutterfly/33/ for more details.)

Wishing you all a wonderful Mother's Day. Please say a prayer for those woman who still long to be called mom.

~painter for hire~

2011-04-22T10:01:00.000-04:00

~Cayden just "helping" daddy paint!~

Our Twin Pregnancy: Month 7

2011-04-14T11:34:00.000-04:00

~Week 25& 26~
I have gained 2lbs a week for the last 4 weeks (WOW!) Dr. said that my weight gain is still on the lower side for a woman my size carrying twins. During week 25 I felt pretty good. We got a sneak peek of babies and they were butting heads already! Both were breech at our 25 week appointment. Week 26 is a different story. I can really tell this week that the pregnancy is taking its toll on my body. My back and hips are super sore. I am good until about 5 in the evening, and then I am pretty much worthless when it comes to doing anything productive. I spent 1/2 a night at the hospital on Saturday for extreme mid-back pain. I was having lots of uterine irritibility when I arrived at the hospital, but with some fluids that seemed to ease up. They tested for kidney/bladder infection...that came back negative. They checked my cervix to be sure that I wasn't dialating...THANK GOD that came back negative. However, we still don't know the cause of the pain, and it is still continuing.

~Week 27~

I am doing ok. I can do normal daily activities, but evening are a bit more difficult. My back gives out around 6, and I am pretty much worthless from then on. I am beginning to wonder if something is going on with my pancreas (I am in LOTS of pain after eating dinner.) I called the Dr, but they encouraged me to just take it easy and eat bland meals until my next appointment. As usual, I feel Brock quite a bit, but Lynlee is hit and miss. I am getting excited about meeting them, I just can't believe that it will be in 9-10 weeks!!!

~Week 28~

I had my Dr appointment moved up a few days, because my pain is much worse. I have gained 20lbs so far, and I can definitely tell. Dr ordered a gallbladder and kidney scan for Monday. However, on Saturday night I found myself back in the hospital. I spent 3 nights there! They ran every test possible. I had several ultrasounds and even a CT scan. All of the tests came back inconclusive. I was released on Tuesday with no definitive answer for my pain. I was sent home with a high dose of pain meds that don't seem to even touch my pain. I am happy to report that both Brock and Lynlee are doing GREAT. They don't seem to be affected by my pain. We got to see them via ultrasound two times while I was in the hospital. I am having a difficult time admitting that daily activities (cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, lifting Cayden,etc) are becoming harder for me to do. I am going to have to start reaching out for help. I just keep telling myselft 8-9 more weeks, 8-9 more weeks! Although I am in a lot of pain, I am still enjoying this pregnancy, and I can't wait to meet these precious miracles!!

~First Haircut~

2011-03-22T09:47:00.000-04:00

before

during

after

~daddy's helper~

2011-03-21T21:21:00.000-04:00

~My little man~

2011-03-21T16:11:00.000-04:00

~Cayden Matthew

~Bubba

~momma's little man

~booga

~precious

~studly

~silly billy

~monkey

~munchkin

~mommy's earthly angel

~big boy

PERFECT

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward." Psalm 127:3

Our Twin Pregnancy- Month Six

2011-03-16T18:57:00.000-04:00

~Week 21~

I woke up early on Thursday feeling like everything had dropped. I was having pain around my cervix when standing. Called the Dr, and they had me lay on left side for the day. Pain eased up a little and was gone by Saturday. Still feel pretty good for being pregnant with twins!

~March 2~ (22 weeeks)

Today we had our "big" ultrasound. We prayed and prayed that everything would look great. We were praying for no "scares" like we had with Cayden's ultrasound. The ultrasound couldn't have gone smoother.

Baby A is a BOY!! I think I grinned for 10 minutes! Heart rate 152. Measuring exactly 22 weeks. ~1 lb. Brock Adam--meaning--Braxton comes from Brock's town....so we like that they both were in each other's meanings. Adam--sticking to Bible middle names.

Baby B is a GIRL!! Our dream come true. Heart rate 148. Measuring 21w3d. ~15oz. Lynlee--combination of my middle name and Jesse's. Grace--God's grace is endless!!!

Hearts, kidneys, brains, bladders, stomachs, faces, hands, feet all checked out PERFECTLY.

Funny story: (Note: Our Dr does not show emotion at all.) After the US we headed to our Dr appt. He was scanning through the US pictures and started to chuckle. He then said "well this is an undeniable gender picture..he has his own kickstand!" I thought I was going to fall off the exam table, I was laughing so hard.

~Week 23-24~

Nothing really exciting going on. I am extremely hungry all the time, and I never feel like I can get enough to eat....this is going to really pack on the pounds!! I have been craving sweets like crazy. Heartburn is pretty intense. I had a chiropractic adjustment and pregnancy massage during week 23, in hopes that it would help me sleep a little better. I got a few nights of relief, but my hips are back to burning and aching at night. I hear all the time that I am not very big for carrying twins...but can I just be honest and say that I feel very "heavy." I realize that my belly doesn't look big, but it is definitely heavier than carrying a singleton. I still don't feel Lynlee very often, but Brock is definitely a mover. I have a large to-do list of things that need done before the twins arrive, but most of it is stuff that I would prefer waiting until closer to due date....however, I know that I won't be able to do a lot the further along I get....so I have to get started soon!!

24 Weeks!

Pregnancy Symptoms: HUNGRY, HUNGRY, HUNGRY. Heartburn. Sore hips. Heavy/bloated feeling.
Cravings: Chocolate chip cookies, brownies, ice cream....you get the drift...anything SWEET.
Weight Gain: appprox 13lbs.

~Wordless Wednesday~

2011-03-02T20:56:00.000-05:00

"Is my baby ok?" "My baby is ok, right??"

2011-03-02T09:08:00.000-05:00

February 14, 2008 3:28am

Fluorescent lights humming. Cabinet doors opening and closing. Somber faces on bodies that appear to be moving in fast forward. IV pump incessantly beeping. Scratchy noises coming from heart monitor. Tired Dr looks confused. I roll left. I roll right. Still tired from pushing. I am calm. I am naive. Surely something isn't wrong. Why are they all looking at everything but me. Internal probe inserted and nothing. Conversation overheard between doctor and nurse "Get her ready for ER C-section." Calmly I asked "Is my baby OK?" Nothing. Maybe they didn't hear me. Jesse why won't you say anything. A little louder. "My baby is OK, right?" Nothing. No one looks up, no one acknowledges my question. After a look from me to Jesse what is going on , Jesse asks a little louder than myself. "Is the baby OK?" Finally the Dr looks up and says " We are getting very erratic readings from the internal probes, we are going to get the baby out as quickly as we can via C-section. My bed moves quickly. The lights look light flashes. What has gone wrong? I was still naive. Still excited to finally meet this bundle we had dreamed of for years, this miracle in my belly. Daddy's Dream Mommy's Miracle.

If only I had known. Do you suppose "they" knew it was too late??

Our Twin Pregnancy: 5th month

2011-02-23T16:14:00.000-05:00

~January 30~

I feel like a completely different human being. The headaches have eased up quite a bit. My energy level is finally rising!!! I feel the babies on a daily basis, but the movements are still very butterfly like...slow and light. I really have to concentrate to feel them. I am so glad that I am starting to have the 2nd trimester "feel good" stage.

(February 2)

~February 7~

We had a rough few days because we hadn't felt baby B for about 3 days. We had our 18 week appt today, and everything looked good. Dr. discovered that the placenta is on the surface and was buffering most of baby B's movements. We were hoping to find out genders today, but no such luck. I have gained 6 lbs total.

~February 16~

My belly is really starting to get BIG!(Although, compared to pictures of my belly with Cayden...I am smaller now!) I have had 3 nights of pretty restless sleep (I hope this doesn't stick around!) Other than being uncomfortable at night, I feel pretty amazing for carrying twins! One more week and we enter month 6...CRAZY!

~Recap~

Pregnancy Symptoms: Restless sleep, heartburn, painful hips, INCREASED appetite.
Cravings: Fish sandwiches (I HATE fish!!), Chocolate chip cookies
Weight Gain: 6.5 lbs

(This picture is actually the start of month6...but I wanted you all to have a current picture!)

~Braxton's Hope Boxes~

2011-02-14T00:01:00.003-05:00

Today marks 3 years since we said hello and goodbye to our first born son, Braxton Lee. We try to do something special each year to celebrate his life, and this year we made Hope boxes to donate to the hospital where Braxton was delivered. God has been pushing me to do something to "give back" in Braxton's honor, and I can't think of a better way than to help other grieving families. I know these boxes won't take the hurt away or make it any easier, but I pray that they provide some comfort to the families by knowing that they aren't alone. I was touched by the outpouring of help we received to get the boxes ready; we had several women make blankets and hats for the boxes, a dear friend and fellow baby loss mom helped make an advice brochure for the families, a very artistic friend helped make handprint and footprint cards, and my mom helped me find the perfect boxes and journals. We will be delivering these to the hospital tomorrow around 1....please say a prayer for us and the families that will eventually receive these boxes.

Each box contains:
~Two matching handmade blankets (1 to go with baby, and 1 for the family)
~Hat
~Bunny
~Handprint and Footprint Cards
~"Heaven Born" Pillow
~ Journal
~Picture Album
~Grieving Advice
~Willow Tree Remembrance Box

Front of sympathy card

Braxton's Hope Bunnies

5 for girls and 5 for boys

Happy Birthday baby boy. We love and miss you. I hope we make you proud.

~Falling Apart~

2011-02-13T16:17:00.000-05:00

Feeling these emotions all over again. Can't believe that tomorrow marks 3 years. My heart still aches.

Our Twin Pregnancy: The First 4 Months

2011-01-30T15:37:00.000-05:00

** There will be times throughout my blogging that I will be brutally honest about the way I have felt/feel. Yes, I have experienced loss..Yes, this was a very much planned pregnancy...yes, I have experienced infertility.. Therefore, I know how it feels to be on each "side" of the story. I still have true feelings that I would prefer not to sugarcoat in anyway.

~October 18, 2010~

After 6 weeks of preparing for our frozen embryo transfer (FET), the day is finally here. We were pro's at keeping the cycle from everyone, including our parents. I told my mom that I had been asked to come back to my old job to help with testing for the day.  She arrived at 6:45 to take Cayden home with her. Jesse drove down the rode to hide, so she wouldn't ask why he was home on a work day....the plan went over very smoothly!!

We were nervous the entire trip to the hospital....not knowing whether the embryos would thaw and be of good quality. I was prepped, and the embryologist came in with the much awaited news. Our three remaining embryos had thawed very nicely. Two looked GREAT and one was lagging behind after the thaw. I was quickly whisked back to the "operating" room.  The transfer was very painful this time. My uterus was tipped backwards, so the Dr had to maneuver it with his hands...OUCH!

I had to lay flat for one hour after the procedure to ensure that everything settled into place. One hour is a really long time after you have drank 64 ounces of fluid...so yes, the bedpan was my friend 10 minutes prior to my hour being up.

We left feeling confident that we may get twins out of the procedure (the embryologist ensured us several times that two of them were EXCELLENT, and her bet was on twins!)

~October 23, 2010~

After peeing on home pregnancy tests (HPT's) for the past 3 days, I was anxiously waiting for today to arrive.  We found out 5dpt that we were pregnant with Cayden, so I was certain if we were pregnant again, we should know today. I waited until the evening to pee on yet another stick. Jesse was opposed to me doing so, he wanted me to wait a few more days. I peed and within seconds, two, very noticeable pink lines appeared....WE ARE PREGNANT!

~October 27, 2010~

Blood test comes back positive! HCG 345

~October 29, 2010~

HCG 690 (Could it be twins??)

~November 10, 2010~

Our 6 week ultrasound (US) is scheduled for today. Prior to the US, I asked the nurse how many babies she was predicting to find. She immediately said her guess was two. Jesse and I were both pretty confident that we would see two too. Our Dr said he didn't like making guesses, but if he had to, he was guessing two as well. She started the US and immediately I saw one sac with a tiny little bean. She kept moving the probe around and within seconds we saw another sac with another bean! I was shocked, in awe, and speechless. It really didn't hit me like I thought it would. I think a part of me was scared as well. I had always hoped for twins, but at that moment, it hit me kind of funny. She continued to "look around," and I was really focusing on trying to find heartbeats. Low and behold we found two very strong heartbeats...Praise God!!!

~November 17~

I don't know if it has completely hit me that we are having twins. Two babies!! I am still in a fog.

~November 24~

8 week US scan....still showing two healthy babies!!   I had to start taking a few Zofran to help with slight nausea.

~December 8~

First appointment with our regular OB was today. I have been a little nervous, because I haven't felt all that bad for being pregnant with twins. I was certain that the nausea and vomiting would be twice as bad as it was with Cayden. If I remember to take a Zofran in the morning, I am usually ok the rest of the day. I have had a few bouts of nausea in the evenings after supper. I catch myself saying that I am tired and that I don't feel good several times a day, but it is nothing compared to my pregnancy with Cayden. I have been really tired, much more than usual.

Appointment went well. Dr was not going to do an US until 18 weeks, but after doing my examination, he changed his mind. We will have an US at 14 weeks to check cervical length and anatomy of the babies.

~December 17~

Major breakdown today. I am scared. I miss Braxton. I fear that the twins will take away from the mother/son relationship that Cayden and I have. I am overwhelmed with the thought of twins. Will I love them as much as I love Cayden? Do I really want twins? I am so tired emotionally and physically. I feel terrible for feeling this way...I know so many woman longing just to get pregnant...I have been there...why do I feel like this? I feel alone, because I don't want anyone to know how crazy I feel right now. I am suppose to be happy, joyful, ecstatic; yet, I am fearful, sad, and lonely. Several anxiety attacks today :(

~December 21~

Still down in the dumps. I should be excited about Christmas this year, however I am finding it very hard to even get in the spirit. I am tired. We put up very few decorations, only went shopping once...I just don't feel it this year. The nausea is still here, but not anything to terrible. If I get rid of morning stomach bile, then I feel much better the rest of the day. Other than being extremely emotional and tired, I wonder if I am even still pregnant? I am so glad that after 12 longs weeks, I know longer have to have a daily shot in the rump! My poor butt was a human pin cushion!!

~January 3~

The holidays are over, Jesse went back to work, now it is time for me to relax. Cayden and I are planning on staying home all week! The hustle and bustle of the holidays really wore me out. Nausea is a little better, but now I have developed severe headaches. I am still really emotional as well. Pregnancy sure does a number on me!

~January 6~

Really, really, really bad day. I spent the majority of the day in tears. I have been having bad dreams about Braxton's birth, and they have literally left me weepy all day. I have a terrible headace, beginning to wonder if they aren't migraines....they are completely different than headaches I have experienced in the past. I keep finding myself wondering if our timing was right for this pregnancy...I don't feel as connected to this pregnancy...Is there something wrong with me?? Praying for a better day tomorrow.

~January 7~

We had our 14 week US and appointment today. I have felt like a completely different person today than I did yesterday. These pregnancy hormones have me on an emotional rollercoaster!!! I am good today. Excited about the babies. The scan showed two healthy babies with fingers and toes already. Jesse and I were in shock at how developed they already are. They were interacting with each other already! Dr confirmed that the headaches and extreme emotions were all pregnancy related.

~January 20~

The flu has struck our home! Just when I thought morning sickness has disappeared, I was struck with the flu!! I have also been very miserable lately. I feel really large, but I'm really not. I feel bloated and achey. This will all soon pass, and the babies will be worth it! Can't believe four months of pregnancy have come and gone. Being pregnant with a child at home sure makes it go faster!!!!

~4 month recap~

Pregnancy symptoms : TIRED, nauseous, EMOTIONAL, growing "ladies"!!

Cravings: Greasy cheeseburgers, cheetos, Mt Dew, Pizza King Breadsticks

Weight Gain: As of 14 weeks, only 1 lb. (Pretty sure that has sinced changed!!)

~Hodge-Podge~

2011-01-18T13:11:00.000-05:00

Wow, has it really been over a month since my lost post. I have been horrible about blogging, taking pictures, keeping in contact with others, etc..Please forgive me! I will make this a hodge-podge post..updating you on just about everything!

~Cayden~

Mr. Cayden is 15.5 months old! He is toddling around everywhere, and I think he enjoys making messes out of everything. He sure keeps us on our toes. He doesn't talk with real words...just A LOT of jibber jabber, however he sure is a smart boy. He can show you his hair, eyes, toes (his favorite!), belly, nose, tongue, teeth, and occasionally his ears. He loves showing us "choo, choo" with his arm. He can sign more, please, eat, thank-you, milk, and sorry. He will say bye-bye, bath, dada, mama, and yes. He absolutely loves bath time..he is a natural fish. We started parent/child swim classes again, and he loves it!! He has been working on kicking, scooping, blowing bubbles, jumping off the edge, and going under! We have transitioned into taking "big boy" naps. I know when the twins arrive, I won't be able to hold him while he falls asleep. He transitioned very well. Somedays, I think he lays and talks to himself more than he naps, but he seems to enjoy the time alone. My boy is growing up so fast, and I don't even know where the time went.

~The Twins~

For those that may have missed the Thanksgiving blog post a few months back, we are expecting TWINS in June. We have had 3 US's, and they are both growing and looking great. We were hoping for a sneak peek at genders a week ago, but the technician said she couldn't give us a 100% look, so she didn't even peek :( We are nearly 16 weeks along all ready..once again..where does time go? We have our next appointment on Febuary 7th. We don't have an official US scheduled, but our Dr stated that he will probably pull his machine in to get a good look at heartbeats. I will definetly be asking him to take a good look at genders. To be honest, if we were only having one baby, I wouldn't be finding out the gender, but I am thinking with two babies and a 20 month old...we better be prepared!
I have had all the normal pregnancy symptoms..nausea, tiredness, headaches..etc. The headaches have been the worst. I have about 4/day. I felt the first for sure movement today!! I am excited to see how different twin movement is compared to a singleton. I will do my best to update as we progress further into the pregnancy.

These are the twins at 5 days after conception...isn't it amazing!!!

~ Grief Journey~

Yes, I still grieve over losing Braxton. The time between "episodes" is further and further between, but I still have my days. January leading up to his birthday are the hardest for me. I had some really terrible dreams a few weeks ago that literally left me crying all day long. I dreamt that I was in the operating room watching his birth. I wanted so badly to help him, but something was holding me back and making me watch the awful scene. It left me wondering if there was really that much panic in the operating room that day....I guess I will never know :( I miss my little guy more than ever.

On a brighter note, we try and do something special every year on his birthday. God really laid it on my heart about a year ago, to do something special for the hospital and other families that experience infant loss. I was stubborn in answering God's call...sometimes bitterness gets the best of me. However, when God wants something done, he doesn't give up! I am very excited to say that we are making "Memory Boxes" for other families. We are excited about the boxes and the opportunity to give back in Braxton's name. My plan is to donate the boxes on Braxton's birthday ( I know it will be hard wakling through the labor and delivery doors on that day, but I also know that God's peace will surround us!)

~Holidays~

We had a pretty good holiday season. I am not a fan of constantly being on the go, and being pregnant made it worse. I was exhausted for a week after all the festivities. Cayden enjoyed Christmas. He would open one gift play with it for awhile and then move on to the next. We have enough toys to keep a daycare occupied!

We were in bed by 10:30 on New Year's Eve...I know, I know..BORING! We are excited to see what the New Year has in store for us!

~Prayer Requests~

I know a lot of couples who are currently undergoing fertility treatments. It is my hope that this is the year for babies!! Please pray for those that are waiting for God's perfect timing.

I think that just about covers everything. Short, sweet, and to the point! I have so much on my mind about life, but I just can't find the right words to blog about it now.

Our first picture as a family of 6!! (Zoom in...look close...Braxton's footprints are on my bracelet.)

~Tree Searching~

2010-12-08T10:09:00.000-05:00

" I like this one daddy!!"

~ Big Boy~

Faith Hope

2010-12-01T15:34:00.001-05:00

Faith Hope Family Religious Christmas Card

Get custom photo Christmas cards online at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

~Spreading Christmas Cheer~

2010-11-29T20:11:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is fast upon us, and it's time to spread some Christmas cheer. Can you believe Thanksgiving has come and gone?? We have so much to be thankful for! I am super excited about making our Christmas cards this year. I always order my cards from Shutterfly, and right now they are running an excellent deal on Christmas cards ( 30% off!) Shutterfly has an excellent selection of cards to chose from (over 200.) I especially like that the have designs to satisfy all "tastes." I am having trouble deciding which design I like the best for this years' card. I am really drawn to the Gifted Tag design. I like the full-bleed photo!

Picture Joy and Crochet Scallop Green are also on my favorites list!

I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of the calendar that our family ordered with pictures from our recent family photo shoot. There are extra options that make personalizing your calendar easy!

I have also ordered other holiday photo cards from Shutterfly, that were commented on by all recipients. I personally think that photo cards seem more personal and have more meaning that just plain old greeting cards. Visit their website and see for yourself that the selection is unbeatable.

I am working on our Christmas cards for this year, and trying to decide which photos to include. I have difficulty picking my favorites. How do you single out 3 photos from 200??

Are you going to send out Christmas cards this year? If so, check out Shutterfly!!! You can also blog about Shutterfly for the opportunity to receive 50 free holiday cards this year.

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-24T10:07:00.000-05:00

I haven't been feeling the greatest, so I am going to finish up the thanksgivings in one post (Thanks Erica for this ingenius idea!)

~ I am thankful for my niece and nephews. They are really special to me, and I pray that their lives will one day be normal.

~ I am thankful for my laptop and the internet!!! I don't know what I would do if I couldn't check facebook and my blog numerous times a day. My blog has been a great therapy for me, and facebook has kept me connected with so many people.

~ I am thankful for a family that can get together on the holidays and enjoy each others' company.

~ I am thankful that other than my house, we are now debt free! That is HUGE!

~ I am thankful that my husband has a vision of where he sees our future. I often times just get stuck in the here and now, and his mind just keeps turning. I pray that all his dreams and visions will one day come true.

~ I am thankful that tomorrow is turkey day....I have had some serious cravings for my grandma's noodles and mashed potatoes. Hopefully the nausea will stay away for a few hours! I am thankful that all of my dad's extended family still gathers as a family on Thanksgiving.

~ I am thankful that Jesse doesn't mind to eat out a few times a week. I really don't enjoy cooking all that much, and there are some days when nothing sounds good and cooking sounds like the end of the world...so Pizza King here we come!!! Very thankful that it is located 3 miles down the country road!!!

~ I am thankful for the continued, sporatic warm fall days.

~ *knock on wood* I am thankful that I have not gotten a cold this season. I have only had one cold the entire year, and for those of you that know me personally...this is a miracle in and of itself! Praying for continued health for our family.

~ I am thankful for the little things that we take for granted..heat, lights, food, vehicles, showers, bed, blankets, clothes, etc.

~ Finally, I am thankful that for this life. I am thankful that God has blessed with me with each of these thanksgivings. He has truly given me a reason to live. I pray that you have found something to be thankful for this holiday season. Embrace life and thank God for your life!

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-20T18:02:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful that my husband is thinking ahead. He bought be a front load washer and dryer, because " honey you can do all the baby laundry in one load for the week, you know with 2 new babies, the laundry is going to triple around here!!" He is so sweet. He has even reminded me that my car and my stroller are no longer going to work either! God , please open up the Heavens and pour down some money. I know this is all going to work out just perfectly, and for that I am thankful!

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-19T15:59:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for all of you (BLOG READERS.) This blog has been a way for me to get my feelings out since Braxton passed away. I don't do well talking, because I just cry and nothing comes out. So, behind this computer screen I can cry and type, and my feelings can be released. I don't exactly have a gift with using words, but I can definetly write how I feel, and it helps! I am thankful that so many of you have reached out and prayed with us during some of our darkest hours. I wish I could meet you all and say thank-you for being a "friend." God Bless each and every one of you....the public followers and the secret ones (I know you are out there!!!)

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-18T10:32:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for a good night's sleep! I woke up feeling refreshed, anxiety free, and no nausea has hit yet!! Zofran is becoming my friend.

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-17T16:41:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for my mother-in-law. She raised a wonderful man that I call husband, and for that I am thankful. She instilled in him values of politeness, kindness, generousity, and lovingness. She is also a great grandma to Cayden!

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-16T10:43:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for my brothers and their wives. Growing up with two brothers was definetly eventful. My older brother would probably tell you that I was a pest (I love spying on him and his friends and girlfriends.) I think I was that way, because I so badly wanted an older sister, so every girlfriend was potential! My little brother would probably tell you that I was trouble (but he enjoyed going with me!) They both married wonderful women and I approve (although I know that my approval meant nothing!) I can't wait until their dreams all come true.

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-14T18:41:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful, grateful, blessed, overwhelmed and ecstatic. I am thankful for God's multiple miracles. I am thankful for his abundant blessings. I am thankful that he continues to restore joy in our lives. I am grateful that He is able to do exceeding abundantly more than we could ever imagine. Without further ado, allow me to introduce you to Baby Peters #3 and #4. We are thankful that we saw two HEALTHY HEARTBEATS this week. Praise God!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-13T13:59:00.000-05:00

I am thankful that I am able to be a SAHM (stay at home mom.) I am thankful that I get to be the one to watch my child do new things. I am thankful that we can lounge in our Pj's all day long and take long naps together. I am thankful that I don't have to get out of bed every morning to get ready for work. I am thankful for my husband who works hard to provide me this luxury!

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-12T13:30:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for my two dogs that have been through a lot with me. I will never forget how heartbroken they seemed to be when we came home from the hospital after losing Braxton. They were the calmest I had ever seen them (Boxers are NEVER calm!) They used to sleep practically on top of me, so I was concerned with my c-section incision that they would bust it open...they never once even got close. Isn't it amazing how smart and "in-tune" animals can be.

They don't get as much attention as they use to, and I find my patience thin at times with them....but nevertheless, they are my babies and I love them so!!!

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-10T15:45:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for my best friend who is cooking dinner for us!! I feel a little icky and tired and don't feel like cooking. She called and invited us over for yummy pork roast! Thanks Em!

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-09T10:29:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful and grateful for the other BLM's (Baby Loss Moms) that I know and have met. It really helps to have others in my life that truly understand the way I feel. When Braxton passed away I felt all alone, I didn't know anyone who had endured such tragedy, however it was shortly after that 3 women from my own high school (population 280) experienced loss as well. I am thankful that I was able to minister to them in their time of need. God works in mysterious ways, and I know he placed several women in my life, so we could help each other when loss came our way. I continue to pray for all of you that have lost a child. I pray that God will restore your joy tenfold!

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-08T19:03:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful for my friends. When Braxton passed away, we truly found out who our real friends are. The continued prayers and thoughts over the past 2.5 years have been more than appreciated. I don't get to see all of you as often as I would like, but I appreciate our occasional phone conversations and emails. May God bless you all!

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-07T10:16:00.000-05:00

I am thankful for my dad and mom. They raised me in a home that was full of love. They showed my brothers and I what a marriage should look like. They have been married for 34 years, and I pray that my marriage will be just as strong. My mom is here to help me whenever I need (she can clean a house!!!) They are both amazing grandparents...and I know Cayden is blessed beyond measure.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-06T19:45:00.000-04:00

Today I am thankful for the wonderful Women's Retreat that I attended last night and today. It was the first time that I had left Cayden (and Jesse.) I am thankful that God showed up and showed me that the retreat was his divine appointment for me. God can work in mysterious ways!!!

"Oh I went to the enemies camp, and I took back what he stole from me, yes I, took back what he stole from me!"

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-05T14:46:00.001-04:00

I am thankful for our home. A perfect little farm house nestled on 2.5 acres. It may not always be spotless, but it is always cozy and welcoming. This time of year, I am especially thankful for the warm fire that is crackling in the backroom. There is nothing like good, warm woodstove heat.

"As for me as my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-04T09:49:00.000-04:00

Today (and everyday), I am thankful for my little stinker, my silly monkey, my snuggle buddy, my son, Cayden Matthew. I am thankful for the miracles we have witnessed through his life. He is the light in my life. I am thankful God has shared him with us in this life.

"For this child I prayed, and God has granted the desires of my heart."

1 Samuel 1:27

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-03T12:37:00.001-04:00

I am thankful for my son, Braxton Lee. I am thankful that he has a perfect place to call home. I am thankful for the time I got to carry him. I am thankful I am his mommy.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-03T12:31:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for my husband. He works hard to provide for our family, so that I can stay at home to raise our children. He loves me for who I am, regardless my flaws. He is an awesome daddy to our boys.

"He is good, so good. He treats me like a real man should."

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor 13:13

~Thanksgivings~

2010-11-03T12:22:00.000-04:00

I am going to "try" and post something that I am thankful for each day this month! I have 2 days worth of catching up to do!!

First and foremost, I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour. He has been my rock over the past 3 years. Without Him, I am nothing. I have said before, that if this is my life with Him, I can't even imagine a life without Him. May God Bless you all!

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

Fall Fun

2010-11-01T13:32:00.000-04:00

~ First Hayride~

~ He was actually scared of the pumpkins!~

~Pedal Car Fun with Daddy~

~ Family Pic~

~ Little Dairy Farmer~

Our "Little Stinker"

2010-11-01T13:08:00.000-04:00

~12 month photoshoot~

2010-10-18T17:09:00.000-04:00

Thanks Aunt Cassi for capturing all my smiles!!!

a year of firsts... a year of fun..Cayden Matthew has turned one!!!

2010-10-06T16:04:00.000-04:00

~ invites~

~party favors~

~one year banner~

~cupcakes~

~decor~

~the giant cupcake~

~presents~

~family~

~fun~

~spoiled little boy~

~THANK YOU~

~ONE YEAR OLD~

2010-09-30T12:44:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear meeee...Happy Birthday to me!!!! This is an exciting day at our house, my mommy and daddy have been dreaming of this day for a long time. Let's get right to my "stats."

~ I am weighing in at... (check back on the 4th after my appt!)

~ Size 3 diaper.

~3-6, 6, 6-9 month shirts ----3-6, 6 month pants

~ Sleeps 9-9 with one wake up to get in mommy's bed (around 7)

~ Completely on sippy with whole milk.

~ New words : Fish, bye bye, cess (for Princess), papaw, yes, etta (Erica)

~ I am cruising along anything I can.

~ I can stand alone for short 3 second spurts.

~ I got another top tooth.

~ I just started walking behind my car and hippo really well.

~ I LOVE to climb on and up anything!

a life sentence

2010-09-15T19:07:00.000-04:00

****Warning..this post is negative. It is a sob story, pity party, feel bad for myself post. If you are not interested in listening to me whine, then don't read!

Today, I feel like Braxton's death is a life sentence of anguish and pain. There is something everyday that sparks feelings of sadness or anger. (There are days when I have LOTS of happiness too, but today is not one of them.) Read on to hear what life seems to be like.

~ Every 14 of the month is a reminder of just how old he should be.

~ Ambien, Xanax, and anti-depressants are necessary parts of our medicine cabinet, just so I can cope.

~ Losing Braxton made me a very clingy, dependent person...this is not healthy for my marriage!

~ Nothing can fully satisfy me. There is forever a hole in my heart.

~ Time did not erase anything!

~ Seeing other children his "age" makes me wonder why, what if, how?

~ Planning a birthday party for Cayden seems unfair to Braxton...all I ever got to "give" him was a headstone.

~ I am overprotective (Cayden will hate this when he grows up.)

~ I am moody and can snap at any moment for unknown reasons.

~ I should know what to say to my friends who are walking closely behind my footsteps...however all I can do is cry for them.

~ Constantly live trying to balance sadness and happiness at the same time (this is extremely difficult.)

~ News broadcasts about irresponsible parents who kill children makes me question God's motive. ( Why couldn't I keep Braxton, why can't I get pregnant, but they do?)

~ I want the happy-go-lucky girl back that enjoyed everything about life (I don't even know where to begin to get her back, I am so far gone.)

I am a mess. I don't know why. I feel distant from this world. I need prayer.